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      03-24-2023, 08:17 AM   #1035
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I once tried to works as a scarecrow but hay, it's just not in my jeans.
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      03-24-2023, 08:19 AM   #1036
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Quote:
Originally Posted by M5Rick View Post
A wonderful bird is the pelican
His bill holds more than his belican
He can take in his beak
Enough food for a week
But I'm damned if I see how the helican
FTFY
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      03-24-2023, 09:36 AM   #1037
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Just a little update on the situation with my son because some of you have been pretty concerned in your PMs. Thank you for that.

He's taken going to jail pretty hard. He's refusing all food, he's swearing and screaming and is highly unpleasant with anyone who comes near him. He's graffitied the walls and is refusing to wear clothes.

As a family we are pretty united in our decision never to play Monopoly with him ever again. ��
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      03-24-2023, 11:29 AM   #1038
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Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex.

A: Oral sex makes your day. Anal sex makes her hole weak.
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      03-24-2023, 01:25 PM   #1039
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Buug959 View Post
FTFY
Well spotted Buug959!
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      03-25-2023, 09:13 AM   #1040
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What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? The taste.
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      03-25-2023, 03:53 PM   #1041
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There once was a lady named Ferris
Whom nothing could ever embarrass
'Til the bath salts one day,
in the tub where she lay,
turned out to be Plaster of Paris.

Last edited by M5Rick; 03-26-2023 at 07:46 AM..
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      03-28-2023, 12:38 PM   #1042
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      03-29-2023, 05:43 AM   #1043
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One Saturday morning at three,
A cheese-monger's shop in Paree
Collapsed to the ground
With a thunderous sound
Leaving only a pile of de brie.
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      03-31-2023, 02:08 AM   #1044
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Buug959 View Post
I once tried to works as a scarecrow but hay, it's just not in my jeans.
Probably would have scared the crows if you tried it
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      03-31-2023, 04:31 AM   #1045
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Quote:
Originally Posted by M5Rick View Post
Probably would have scared the crows if you tried it
There's no doubt in my mind.
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      03-31-2023, 05:32 AM   #1046
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A flee and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly,''let us flee!''
''Let us fly!'' said the flea
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
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      04-04-2023, 04:28 AM   #1047
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Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
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      04-04-2023, 12:06 PM   #1048
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I've attended 3 conferences on electricity so far this year.

I guess you could say I like to keep up to date on current events.
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      04-04-2023, 12:08 PM   #1049
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Boarding school taught me how to get on an airplane.
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      04-04-2023, 04:22 PM   #1050
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BMWGUYinCO View Post
I've attended 3 conferences on electricity so far this year.

I guess you could say I like to keep up to date on current events.
I only made it to the first two. The first was electrifying, but the second was just revolting.
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      04-04-2023, 06:14 PM   #1051
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      04-05-2023, 04:57 PM   #1052
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Inspecting mirrors is a job I can see myself doing....
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      04-05-2023, 08:28 PM   #1053
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I have far too many of these..

Sweden recently started putting barcode on their fleet of ships. It's so they can Scandinavian.


I was in a band called The Hinges. We opened for The Doors


Just finished reading a book on how to fall down the stairs.
It's a step by step guide

I got into a fight with my wife on an elevator. I was wrong on so many levels

The man who invented the umbrella was first planning to name it “brella”.
But he hesitated.
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      04-05-2023, 09:38 PM   #1054
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F1gur471v3ly 5p34k1ng?
7H15 M3554G3
S3RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 15
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
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      04-06-2023, 11:54 AM   #1055
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CarsAndGuitars View Post
F1gur471v3ly 5p34k1ng?
7H15 M3554G3
S3RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 15
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
Figuratively speaking that makes sense.
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      04-07-2023, 05:03 PM   #1056
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How to explain a difficult task

"That's more difficult than picking fly crap out of a pepper shaker while wearing boxing gloves."
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