|
|
01-21-2024, 12:34 PM | #1277 |
Captain
21853
Rep 891
Posts |
.
__________________
Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
|
Appreciate
4
|
01-24-2024, 11:48 AM | #1281 |
Major General
52007
Rep 7,237
Posts |
Bickering with your wife is like trying to read the Terms of Use for a new service. In the end, you just give up and click “I agree.”
|
Appreciate
11
UncleWede18330.50 Llarry20758.00 infinitekidM2C4293.50 CamasM3e933587.00 vreihen1619583.50 Watching The World Burn1197.50 Buug95921853.00 Pauly Wauly3949.00 snowbimmer6267.00 R BMW956.50 antgenn340.00 |
01-26-2024, 04:21 PM | #1283 |
Captain
21853
Rep 891
Posts |
What do you call a factory that makes ok products?
A Satisfactory.
__________________
Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
|
01-29-2024, 09:41 AM | #1284 |
Captain
21853
Rep 891
Posts |
How many alzheimer patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side.
__________________
Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
|
Appreciate
2
Llarry20758.00 BMWGUYinCO4300.00 |
02-01-2024, 12:26 PM | #1287 |
Currently BMWless (sad)
20758
Rep 685
Posts |
Washington D.C.'s newspaper the Washington Post publishes a humor contest every week on Sunday and when I lived in Maryland it was the #1 thing I would read. Here's one:
Rules: Take any word from the dictionary and alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter and supply a new definition. The winners: -- Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. -- Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. -- Bozone: The layer surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. -- Foreploy: A misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. -- Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. -- Giraffiti: Vandalism sprayed very, very high. -- Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when running late. -- Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. -- Karmageddon: Like, when everyone is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer. -- Decafolong: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. -- Glibido: All talk and no action. -- Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. -- Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidently walked through a spider web. -- Catepallor: The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating. -- Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
__________________
'25 M850ix GC (Ordered)
BMW CCA 30 years |
Appreciate
5
|
02-01-2024, 02:01 PM | #1289 |
Cailín gan eagla.
79986
Rep 1,042
Posts |
I've been trying to see my doctor for months about an embarrassing rash on my genitals. I finally saw her yesterday and showed her the problem, she completely ignored me and continued to push her cart around Costco...
|
Appreciate
7
2000cs3791.50 Llarry20758.00 BMWGUYinCO4300.00 vreihen1619583.50 Buug95921853.00 R BMW956.50 SpeedBuggy855.50 |
02-03-2024, 03:48 PM | #1290 |
Captain
21853
Rep 891
Posts |
A blonde was recently fired from her cashier job, because she kept stealing money from the register. She went looking for work the next day.
A few days later, she came to a man who needed someone. “I’m here for the paint job”, the blonde said eagerly. “Alright. Take this paint and brush, and go paint my backyard porch”, replied the man. The blonde immediately started painting. After she was done, she decided to do a second coat. When she was finished, she went to the man to get her pay. “I finished it, and did a second coating too! By the way, that’s not a Porsche, it’s a new BMW”.
__________________
Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
|
02-03-2024, 04:41 PM | #1291 |
General
67040
Rep 21,659
Posts |
A Kentucky state trooper pulls over a pickup truck on a main road and says to the driver "Got any ID?"
Truck driver replies, "Bout what?" |
Appreciate
4
|
02-05-2024, 02:13 PM | #1292 |
Major General
52007
Rep 7,237
Posts |
A guy asked a girl at the library, "do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl answered in an extra loud voice, "I DO NOT WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!" All of the people in the library started staring at the guy & he was VERY embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl quietly walked to the guy's table and told him, "I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking. Let me guess, you were embarrassed?" The guy responded with an equally loud voice, "TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS FOR ONE NIGHT! THAT'S TOO MUCH!!!" And again all the people in the library looked at them in shock. The guy then leaned over and whispered to her, "I study Law and I know how to make people look guilty!!!" |
Appreciate
7
|
02-05-2024, 02:29 PM | #1293 | |
Colonel
10042
Rep 2,011
Posts |
Quote:
__________________
2014 BMW M235i
2024 Mercedes Benz GLC300 Expert ultracrepidarian |
|
Appreciate
1
Esteban52006.50 |
02-05-2024, 02:38 PM | #1294 |
Second Lieutenant
4300
Rep 284
Posts |
My neighbor stole my socks.
I wanted to confront him, but I got cold feet. |
Appreciate
6
|
02-05-2024, 03:23 PM | #1296 |
Colonel
10042
Rep 2,011
Posts |
And beyond those high school jokes were the endless cut-low sessions. That got real old after a while.
__________________
2014 BMW M235i
2024 Mercedes Benz GLC300 Expert ultracrepidarian |
Appreciate
0
|
02-05-2024, 08:45 PM | #1297 |
Currently BMWless (sad)
20758
Rep 685
Posts |
I went in to Burger King today.
The employee at the counter was a woman who had a tag on her left breast that said PAT... To make a long story short, I'm now banned from Burger King.
__________________
'25 M850ix GC (Ordered)
BMW CCA 30 years |
02-06-2024, 04:19 PM | #1298 |
Captain
21853
Rep 891
Posts |
A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St
Peter is leafing through the big book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. Saint Peter goes through the book several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, “You know, I can't see that you did anything really good in your life, but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in.” The guy thinks for a moment and says, “Well, there was the time when I was driving down the highway and I saw a group of biker guys gathered around this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, there were about 20 of 'em tormenting this girl.” “Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang, a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the gang formed a circle around me So, I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, ‘Leave this poor, innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'” St Peter, impressed, says, “Really? When did this happen?” “Oh, about two minutes ago.”
__________________
Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
|
Appreciate
10
Esteban52006.50 Llarry20758.00 CamasM3e933587.00 R BMW956.50 3.0L10042.00 BMWGUYinCO4300.00 Pauly Wauly3949.00 M5Rick67039.50 murderspice935.00 KRS_SN14412.50 |
Post Reply |
Bookmarks |
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
|
|