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      07-07-2023, 06:57 AM   #1101
Kowalski2011
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1991 BMW M5  [9.50]
2011 BMW 135i  [7.00]
2001 BMW Z3 3.0i  [9.00]
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Jacob was a good farmer, in fact he was outstanding in his field!
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      07-13-2023, 10:18 AM   #1102
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Hike
Hike Who?
Unsuspecting friend
Me, waiting with baited breath
Sets the perfect trap.
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      07-13-2023, 12:03 PM   #1103
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Question: What do you call a policewoman who shaves her pubes?

Answer: A cuntstubble.
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      07-14-2023, 08:44 AM   #1104
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It burns.....
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      07-14-2023, 02:37 PM   #1105
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When did they have the first motorcycle race?

When they made the 2nd motorcycle.
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      07-16-2023, 02:55 AM   #1106
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A man asked his wife of many years "What would you do if I won the lottery?"

She responded "I'd take my half and leave you."

He replied "I won $12 yesterday. Here's $6; be sure to keep in touch."
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      07-16-2023, 11:21 AM   #1107
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I was on my way to work today, when I saw a woman with her hazard lights on.
I thought myself, ''At least she's honest''.
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      07-17-2023, 02:33 PM   #1108
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Why did the librarian keep buying books?

She had no shelf-control.
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      07-21-2023, 08:27 PM   #1109
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2014 BMW M235i
2024 Mercedes Benz GLC300

Expert ultracrepidarian
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      07-25-2023, 05:14 AM   #1110
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What do you get when you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot?
A bite in shining armour.
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      07-25-2023, 02:58 PM   #1111
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My dog ate a bunch of scrabble tiles, so I took him to the vet.

No word yet.
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      07-27-2023, 08:18 PM   #1112
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BMWGUYinCO View Post
My dog ate a bunch of scrabble tiles, so I took him to the vet.

No word yet.
True story:

We bought our kids string cheese during their schools years. We had a Lab. Before I mowed the lawns on Saturday, I always cleared the land-mines before mowing. One day, I found a Lab deuce, complete with a string cheese wrapper imbedded along the side of the turd, complete with barcode. I about laughed my ass off.
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      07-31-2023, 02:46 PM   #1113
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I do all mathematical addition in my head.

It's the thought that counts.
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      08-03-2023, 06:18 AM   #1114
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A lorry has overturned on the M25 orbital motorway containing Vicks vapour rub.
Cops have said there will be no congestion for six hours.
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      08-08-2023, 04:23 PM   #1115
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I just saw a guy collapse on the airport luggage carousel!

I believe he is fine as he's slowly coming around.
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      08-11-2023, 12:02 PM   #1116
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Cops pulled up beside me and my Yamaha on the hard shoulder on the motorway today.
Apparently its not the place to play a keyboard.
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      08-11-2023, 06:05 PM   #1117
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Q: Why wouldn't the sesame seed leave the casino?

A: It was on a roll.
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Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
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      08-12-2023, 05:20 PM   #1118
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My wife complains that I don't buy her flowers.
To be honest, I didn't know she sold flowers.
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Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
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      08-14-2023, 12:03 PM   #1119
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A van carrying snooker equipment has crashed on the motorway.
Queues on both sides.
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      08-14-2023, 12:46 PM   #1120
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What do you get when you play country music backwards?

You get your wife back, you get your job back, you get your truck back, you get your dog back .....

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      08-14-2023, 01:43 PM   #1121
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Q: What's the difference between a tornado and an Arkansas divorce?


A: Absolutely nothing. In both cases, someone is going to lose a trailer!
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Currently BMW-less.
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      08-14-2023, 02:36 PM   #1122
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Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?

A: Spoiled milk.
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