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04-08-2022, 08:22 AM | #89 |
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Just as the graveyard service finished, there's was a lightning bolt and a tremendous rumbling thunder. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said.
Well, she's there already, and it's his problem now. |
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04-08-2022, 02:21 PM | #90 |
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A burgular breaks into this house and he starts looking around for money and jewelry downstairs, then he goes upstairs and into a bedroom and sees a couple in bed. He ties up the husband to a chair and the wife to the bed. He then starts kissing her on the neck. He stops and goes into the bathroom. The husband whisper to the wife. Honey be brave, this man is obviously dangerous, he must want to do things to you the way he was kissing your neck. just do whatever he says or else he might kills us, whatever happens just remember that I love you.
The wife whispers back to the husband. Honey he's wasn't kissing my neck, he was whispering in my ear. He actually thinks that you're cute and he's was asking where do we keep the Vaseline. I told him it was the bathroom, so honey be brave, remember that I love you too. |
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04-08-2022, 04:11 PM | #91 |
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A retiring obstetrician takes the bag of foreskins he collected during his career to a taxidermist. The taxidermist looks at the thousands of dried up bits of skin and then looks quizzically at the obstetrician -- who says "I don't know, just make something nice with them."
A couple months later, the taxidermist calls to say that the souvenir of the obstetrician's career is ready. When the OB gets there, the taxidermist hands him a wallet! It is beautifully made, with thousands of tiny stitches, but it's disappointingly small. OB: What? I gave you thousands of foreskins! That's it? The taxidermist grins and says "When you rub it, it turns into a suitcase!"
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04-08-2022, 09:38 PM | #92 |
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After a good time at the whorehouse, the leper said, “keep the tip”
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04-09-2022, 01:19 AM | #93 | ||||
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Quote:
Quote:
I have always wondered what they taste like, Any idea? |
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04-09-2022, 03:31 AM | #94 |
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Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage. |
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04-09-2022, 01:19 PM | #95 |
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Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory. |
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04-09-2022, 03:41 PM | #96 |
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We just got a fax. At work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.
I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.
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04-10-2022, 04:44 PM | #98 |
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04-10-2022, 05:41 PM | #100 |
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Mr. Barker's wardrobe provided by
Flipper & Dicker (TM)
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04-10-2022, 05:52 PM | #101 |
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I was in the local last night when the landlady suddenly shouted, “Does anyone know CPR?”
I replied, “I know the whole effing alphabet.” Everyone laughed, well, apart from one guy. |
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04-10-2022, 05:55 PM | #102 |
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Polish patient at the optometrist:
"Can you read the bottom line?" "Read it? I know him!" |
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04-10-2022, 08:01 PM | #103 |
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Pirate Eye Chart
.
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04-10-2022, 08:31 PM | #104 |
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Shit Happens
Well, I can't post the shit happens list because it gets into religion. So, you'll just have to look it up.
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04-10-2022, 09:07 PM | #105 |
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What do you call four Mexicans in a boat with a hole in it?
Quatro Cinco |
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04-11-2022, 12:32 AM | #106 |
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Confucius could be: "If shit happen today, shit will still happen tomorrow."
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04-11-2022, 12:36 AM | #107 |
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04-11-2022, 07:23 AM | #108 |
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I've been using "Mucho" with my Spanish speaking friends, it means a lot to them!
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