New 2009 2010 BMW Z4 - ZPOST
BMW Garage BMW Meets Register Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read


Go Back   New 2009 2010 BMW Z4 - ZPOST > BIMMERPOST Universal Forums > Off-Topic Discussions Board

Post Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
      04-01-2022, 05:49 AM   #1
M5Rick
General
M5Rick's Avatar
67058
Rep
21,660
Posts

Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: GB

iTrader: (0)

The joke thread, pics are not necessary

What kind of murderer has fibre?

A cereal killer.
Appreciate 8
Dino GT35063.50
o_g513.00
BMWGUYinCO4300.00
Esteban52021.00
cmyx6go16662.00
Radix!31.50
      04-01-2022, 08:03 AM   #2
Dino GT
Enlisted Member
35064
Rep
45
Posts

Drives: BMW
Join Date: Dec 2020
Location: Eastern

iTrader: (0)

.
Attached Images
 
Appreciate 14
cmyx6go16662.00
o_g513.00
BMWGUYinCO4300.00
M5Rick67057.50
Tommy-G4602.00
JJ 911SC25714.50
vreihen1619592.50
Dpc2u11486.00
DM5PAV372.00
2000cs3797.50
Zuban4.50
      04-01-2022, 10:17 AM   #3
3.0L
Colonel
3.0L's Avatar
10054
Rep
2,011
Posts

Drives: 2014 BMW M235i, 2024 GLC300
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: California

iTrader: (0)

Two drunks

Two drunks sitting on the curb in front of a bar:

Drunk #1: "Hey man."

Drunk #2: "Yeah?"

Drunk #1: "You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Drunk #2: "Yeah."

Drunk #1: "Man, I'll bet that hurt!"
__________________
2014 BMW M235i
2024 Mercedes Benz GLC300

Expert ultracrepidarian
Appreciate 6
cmyx6go16662.00
M5Rick67057.50
BMWGUYinCO4300.00
Tommy-G4602.00
Dino GT35063.50
DM5PAV372.00
      04-01-2022, 10:44 AM   #4
BMWGUYinCO
Second Lieutenant
BMWGUYinCO's Avatar
4300
Rep
284
Posts

Drives: 22 M850 Convertible '23 X3 M40
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Colorado

iTrader: (0)

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they resisting a rest?
Appreciate 16
Esteban52021.00
3.0L10054.00
M5Rick67057.50
Tommy-G4602.00
Dino GT35063.50
Buug95921853.00
M3 boi3220.00
DM5PAV372.00
vreihen1619592.50
      04-01-2022, 10:46 AM   #5
Sassicaia
Brigadier General
Sassicaia's Avatar
Canada
4454
Rep
3,308
Posts

Drives: SMB F80 6MT
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Vancouver, Canada

iTrader: (0)

"You think Will Smith was mad in March!? You should have seen him in August!"
Appreciate 1
      04-01-2022, 10:48 AM   #6
Esteban
Major General
Esteban's Avatar
United_States
52021
Rep
7,237
Posts

Drives: a slow car fast
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: SoCal

iTrader: (0)

What kind of tea is too hard to swallow?

Reality
Appreciate 9
M5Rick67057.50
BMWGUYinCO4300.00
Tommy-G4602.00
Buug95921853.00
M3 boi3220.00
DM5PAV372.00
      04-01-2022, 10:55 AM   #7
M5Rick
General
M5Rick's Avatar
67058
Rep
21,660
Posts

Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: GB

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Esteban View Post
What kind of tea is too hard to swallow?

Reality
Leaf tea without hot water (I'll see myself out
Appreciate 2
Esteban52021.00
oasis50.00
      04-01-2022, 10:58 AM   #8
infinitekidM2C
Major General
infinitekidM2C's Avatar
United_States
4294
Rep
5,732
Posts

Drives: 2019 M2 Competition
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Orange County, CA

iTrader: (4)

Garage List
Great thread. No potential for NSFW pics which don't belong anyways. Na mean?
Appreciate 0
      04-01-2022, 11:03 AM   #9
Esteban
Major General
Esteban's Avatar
United_States
52021
Rep
7,237
Posts

Drives: a slow car fast
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: SoCal

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by infinitekidM2C View Post
Great thread. No potential for NSFW pics which don't belong anyways. Na mean?
Couldn't resist.
Attached Images
 
Appreciate 8
M5Rick67057.50
Tommy-G4602.00
cmyx6go16662.00
Dino GT35063.50
Buug95921853.00
KRS_SN14415.50
      04-01-2022, 11:10 AM   #10
M5Rick
General
M5Rick's Avatar
67058
Rep
21,660
Posts

Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: GB

iTrader: (0)

Patient: ''Doctor I keep hearing ''The green green grass of home''in my head''
Doc: ''Thats called the Tom Jones syndrome''
Patient: ''Is that common''?
Doc: ''It's not unusual''
Appreciate 9
Esteban52021.00
cmyx6go16662.00
3.0L10054.00
Dino GT35063.50
Buug95921853.00
      04-01-2022, 11:16 AM   #11
Esteban
Major General
Esteban's Avatar
United_States
52021
Rep
7,237
Posts

Drives: a slow car fast
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: SoCal

iTrader: (0)

Knock knock

Who's there?

A little old lady

A little old lady who?

I had no idea you could yodel

Appreciate 8
cmyx6go16662.00
3.0L10054.00
M5Rick67057.50
Wolf 3352532.00
KRS_SN14415.50
vreihen1619592.50
      04-01-2022, 11:31 AM   #12
3.0L
Colonel
3.0L's Avatar
10054
Rep
2,011
Posts

Drives: 2014 BMW M235i, 2024 GLC300
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: California

iTrader: (0)

The gynecologist who became a mechanic

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork,
and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be
beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical
college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he
could.

When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared
carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the
results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of
150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, “I don’t want to
appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an
error in the grade?”

“The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly,
which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again
perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.”

After a pause, the instructor added, “I gave you an extra 50% because you did it
all through the muffler, which I’ve never seen done in my entire career”.
__________________
2014 BMW M235i
2024 Mercedes Benz GLC300

Expert ultracrepidarian
Appreciate 11
cmyx6go16662.00
M5Rick67057.50
Dino GT35063.50
BMWGUYinCO4300.00
Kilabyte3957.50
Buug95921853.00
KRS_SN14415.50
DM5PAV372.00
vreihen1619592.50
      04-01-2022, 11:36 AM   #13
Esteban
Major General
Esteban's Avatar
United_States
52021
Rep
7,237
Posts

Drives: a slow car fast
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: SoCal

iTrader: (0)

Babies born on March 31st are the easiest to prank on April Fool's Day.

They were literally born yesterday.

HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY, BIMMERPOST!

Appreciate 17
Nachbar8018.50
M5Rick67057.50
Dino GT35063.50
Kilabyte3957.50
Buug95921853.00
3.0L10054.00
TSII1978.50
cmyx6go16662.00
Maynard4115.50
hubbahubba11108.00
M3 boi3220.00
Accentu8720.50
Zuban4.50
      04-01-2022, 11:47 AM   #14
M5Rick
General
M5Rick's Avatar
67058
Rep
21,660
Posts

Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: GB

iTrader: (0)

In the Battle of Britain,the squadron leader in a group of patrolling Spitfire fighters shouts out over the radio ''Bandits 12 o clock high''! One of the other pilots replies ''It's okay old chap, we have four hours yet, it's only just 8 o clock now''
Appreciate 5
Esteban52021.00
BMWGUYinCO4300.00
3.0L10054.00
Dino GT35063.50
      04-01-2022, 12:10 PM   #15
BMWGUYinCO
Second Lieutenant
BMWGUYinCO's Avatar
4300
Rep
284
Posts

Drives: 22 M850 Convertible '23 X3 M40
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Colorado

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by M5Rick View Post
In the Battle of Britain,the squadron leader in a group of patrolling Spitfire fighters shouts out over the radio ''Bandits 12 o clock high''! One of the other pilots replies ''It's okay old chap, we have four hours yet, it's only just 8 o clock now''
Reminds me of this classic:

A British WWII pilot is shot down over Germany. He wakes up in a German hospital bed, where the Dr. tells him: "Ve haf bad news...your leg vas severely damaged in ze crash, und ve gonna haf to amputate"

The British pilot is sad, but asks: "Hey old chap, can you do me a favor - have one of your pilots drop me leg over jolly old Great Britain?"

The Germans think for a second, and say: "Ya OK, ve do zis for you"

A couple of days later, the Dr returns with more bad news: "You haf developed a bad infection in your ozer leg, und ve gonna haf to amputate again"

"Oh no", the British pilots cries, "Seeing as you've been a proper gentleman before, can you drop me other leg over the land of my country?"
Hesitatingly, the Germans agree.

The next day, the German Dr. comes in and once again, brings terrible news "Now ve gonna haf to amputate your arm as it is badly damaged"

The British pilot, not believing his bad luck, begins: "Well, if me limbs have to go, please drop them over merry ol' London for me...."

"Nein!!!" the German Dr shouts, "Ve do zis for you no more! Ve zink you're trying to escape!!!"
Appreciate 8
M5Rick67057.50
3.0L10054.00
Dino GT35063.50
Suds1613.50
KRS_SN14415.50
Radix!31.50
      04-01-2022, 12:38 PM   #16
M5Rick
General
M5Rick's Avatar
67058
Rep
21,660
Posts

Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: GB

iTrader: (0)

I say I say

''I went to visit my son in Holland''
''Utrecht''?
''No I flew all the way''
Appreciate 0
      04-01-2022, 01:13 PM   #17
KevinC
your average JAMF
KevinC's Avatar
United_States
3427
Rep
4,161
Posts

Drives: '21 M2 Comp, '19 Golf R
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Cochise County, AZ

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
Q: What's the difference between a Hoover and a Harley?

A: The location of the dirt bag
__________________
'21 M2 Comp
'19 Golf R
Appreciate 7
Wolf 3352532.00
Dino GT35063.50
Kilabyte3957.50
Buug95921853.00
3.0L10054.00
KRS_SN14415.50
Accentu8720.50
      04-01-2022, 01:37 PM   #18
M5Rick
General
M5Rick's Avatar
67058
Rep
21,660
Posts

Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: GB

iTrader: (0)

Man walks into the doctor's with a strawberry growing out of his head.
The doc says 'I can give you some cream for that.'
Appreciate 4
Esteban52021.00
Dino GT35063.50
KRS_SN14415.50
      04-01-2022, 02:05 PM   #19
Esteban
Major General
Esteban's Avatar
United_States
52021
Rep
7,237
Posts

Drives: a slow car fast
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: SoCal

iTrader: (0)

Appreciate 1
M5Rick67057.50
      04-01-2022, 02:37 PM   #20
Dino GT
Enlisted Member
35064
Rep
45
Posts

Drives: BMW
Join Date: Dec 2020
Location: Eastern

iTrader: (0)

Two English friends that were into horse racing decide to buy a race horse together. So they decided to go to this little old Italian man that raised race horses to buy a horse.
They look at the horses in the field and they really like this black stallion full of muscle and running around full of energy, the horse looked beautiful they thought. So they decided to buy the horse.
They asked the little old Italian man how much for the horse? The little old Italian man says: Oh, that horse don`t look good, the two English friends look at each and say to each other, this guy doesn't know what he`s talking about, this horse is beautiful and blah, blah. So they say to the little old Italian man that they still want to buy the horse.
The little old Italian man says okay, usually they are $1500.00 each but because the horse don't look good I give to you for $1000.00. They were all happy and bought the horse.
A couple of days later the two English friends showed up at and the farm really mad at the little old Italian man, and they started saying that the horse can`t see well and that it keeps running into the barn and blah, blah. The little old Italian man looks at them and says, I told you that the horse don`t look good.

Last edited by Dino GT; 04-01-2022 at 02:44 PM..
Appreciate 6
cmyx6go16662.00
Esteban52021.00
M5Rick67057.50
3.0L10054.00
KRS_SN14415.50
      04-01-2022, 02:44 PM   #21
Esteban
Major General
Esteban's Avatar
United_States
52021
Rep
7,237
Posts

Drives: a slow car fast
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: SoCal

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dino GT View Post
Two English friends that were into horse racing decide to buy a race horse together. So they decided to go to this little old Italian man that raised race horses to buy a horse.
They look at the horses in the field and they really like this black stallion full of muscle and running around full of energy, the horse looked beautiful they thought. So they decided to buy the horse.
They asked the little old Italian man how much for the horse? The little old Italian man says: Oh, that horse don`t look good, the two English friends look at each and say to each other, this guy doesn't know what he`s talking about, this horse is beautiful and blah, blah. So they say to the little old Italian man that they still want to buy the horse.
The little old Italian man says okay, usually they are $1500.00 each but because the horse don't look good I give to you for $1000.00. They were all happy and bought the horse.
A couple of days later the two English friends showed up at and the farm really mad at the little old Italian man, and they started saying that the horse was can`t see well and that it keeps running into the barn and blah, blah. The little old Italian man looks at them and says, I told you that the horse don`t look good.


Just for fun.
Appreciate 3
Dino GT35063.50
M5Rick67057.50
      04-01-2022, 02:55 PM   #22
M5Rick
General
M5Rick's Avatar
67058
Rep
21,660
Posts

Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: GB

iTrader: (0)

How long did Cain hate his brother?
-?
-As long as he was able..
Appreciate 3
Post Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:24 AM.




zpost
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
1Addicts.com, BIMMERPOST.com, E90Post.com, F30Post.com, M3Post.com, ZPost.com, 5Post.com, 6Post.com, 7Post.com, XBimmers.com logo and trademark are properties of BIMMERPOST