The joke thread, pics are not necessary

[Esteban]

[Mosaud1998]

[Dino GT]

Hydration tip...

Drinking 1 gallon of water a day helps you avoid other people's drama because you are too busy peeing.

Stay hydrated my friends!

[M5Rick]

Did you hear about the man who was seen naked in his greenhouse?
He was caught with his plants down.

[2023G87M2]

Eh. I'll try

[Watching The World Burn]

I just asked ChatGPT to "Explain women to me".

Its first sentence was:
"I'm sorry, but that is not a question that I can answer in a respectful or informative way."

That was funny. Clearly some male developers at work there.

I mean, it did continue on stating nice things about women and why it couldn't explain them in a singular way, but it was still funny to me.

[M5Rick]

What happened to the two apple trees that were planted together?
They lived appley ever after.

[M5Rick]

What does an Arabian milkman love to drink.
Milkshaikh.

[Buug959]

Two wifi engineers got married... the reception was fantastic.

[Soul_Glo]

Why do valley girls hang out in odd numbered groups?
Because they can’t even.

[Buug959]

What do dogs and lesbians have in common?
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

They both have wet noses.

[BMWGUYinCO]

When a drummer rejoins a marching band, do you think there will be repercussions?

[BMWGUYinCO]

When the dentist married the manicurist, they fought tooth and nail!

[3.0L]

The 4th grade teacher finishes reading a chapter about the Pilgrims and closes the book.

Little Johnny looks over at his friend and say, "Ain't that a bunch of shit?"

Teacher: "Johnny! I heard that! You march right out the door and face the wall!"

Johnny: "Yes teacher."

An hour later, the teacher sticks her head out the door and says: "Johnny, have you learned your lesson?"

Johnny: "Yes teacher and I feel so bad, I would like to say a poem to the class to make up for it."

Teacher: "Okay Johnny, but I have to hear the poem first."

Johnny: "While I was standing in the hall, I saw a cockroach run up the wall."

Teacher: "Johnny, we do not say cockroach. We say roach."

Johnny: "Okay."

Teacher: "Class, Johnny would like to say a poem to make up for his rudeness a while ago."

Johnny: "While I was standing in the hall, I saw a roach run up the wall. Without a cock. Ain't that a bunch of shit?"

[BMWGUYinCO]

I got into a fight with my wife on an elevator.

I was wrong on so many levels~

[M5Rick]

We don't approve on political jokes - we've seen too many get elected.

[Elroy11]

Originally Posted by M5Rick

What kind of murderer has fibre?

A cereal killer.

Thank you for sharing. Good luck.

[M5Rick]

I was arrested for impersonating a politician...but all I was doing was sitting in my office doing nothing.

[Buug959]

Originally Posted by M5Rick

I was arrested for impersonating a politician...but all I was doing was sitting in my office doing nothing.

You actually went to the office???? There's your problem.

[3.0L]

The coach called his 9-year-old baseball player aside and asked, “Do you understand that we win or lose together, as a team?”

The boy, a little shaken, nodded in the affirmative.

“So,” coach continued, “You know, when an out is called, you shouldn't call the umpire an asshole, right?"

Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative.

The coach continued, “And when I take you out of the game, we don’t call that 'a dumb ass decision’ and that the coach is 'a shithead', right?”

“Yes, coach.”

“Good”, said the coach. “Now go over there and explain that to your grandmother.”

[M5Rick]

There was a runner named Dwight
Who could speed even faster than light
He set out one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night

[M5Rick]

A wonderful bird is the pelican
His bill holds more than his pelican
He can take in his beak
Enough food for a week
But I'm damned if I see how the helican