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      01-31-2020, 02:31 PM   #5193
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Originally Posted by pennsiveguy View Post
Hopefully not in this case, but sometimes that can be a negative signal. In sales, if the prospect tries to pay it's sometimes because they don't want to be beholden to the salesperson and thus won't feel like they need to talk to them again.

Hopefully that's not what's going on in your case. If it is...well, you had a nice dinner and conversation with someone cool. Be thankful for pleasant company.
When they do not even OFFER to pay for their part and/or say thank you when you pay, they are likely not someone worth seeing again.
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      01-31-2020, 02:40 PM   #5194
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When they do not even OFFER to pay for their part and/or say thank you when you pay, they are likely not someone worth seeing again.
That's a big 10-4. I dated a gal a few years back who was really cool but through 4 or 5 dates never even offered to leave a tip. Done.
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      01-31-2020, 02:47 PM   #5195
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Here's something I've wrestled with for years. Does a prospective partner's financial status, at least relative to your own, matter to you?

I've drifted all over the road on this one. Does it matter to me? (Yeah, kind of). If it does, when and how do I bring it up? How much of a difference in financial status can a couple withstand, without it becoming an issue at some point?

Would love to know how you folks have grappled with this.
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      01-31-2020, 02:55 PM   #5196
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Originally Posted by pennsiveguy View Post
Here's something I've wrestled with for years. Does a prospective partner's financial status, at least relative to your own, matter to you?

I've drifted all over the road on this one. Does it matter to me? (Yeah, kind of). If it does, when and how do I bring it up? How much of a difference in financial status can a couple withstand, without it becoming an issue at some point?

Would love to know how you folks have grappled with this.
Yes, it does. I have mostly dated women who make shit & that puts all the pressure on me. I am done with that bs. I love it when they make more than me. Less pressure! Especially since I don't make what I used to.
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      01-31-2020, 03:00 PM   #5197
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Yes, it does. I have mostly dated women who make shit & that puts all the pressure on me. I am done with that bs. I love it when they make more than me. Less pressure! Especially since I don't make what I used to.
My most recent GF made almost as much as I do and had considerable net worth. It's one thing we didn't have to fight over. We found other shit, though. Lots and lots of other shit.

I think when any aspect of a relationship is out of balance, it creates strain. You're not equals, at least in that aspect.

Good on you for dating up the food chain, instead of down. Not many guys can. Lots of women date guys who make more than they do, but not many couples the other way around.
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      01-31-2020, 03:06 PM   #5198
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My most recent GF made almost as much as I do and had considerable net worth. It's one thing we didn't have to fight over. We found other shit, though. Lots and lots of other shit.

I think when any aspect of a relationship is out of balance, it creates strain. You're not equals, at least in that aspect.

Good on you for dating up the food chain, instead of down. Not many guys can. Lots of women date guys who make more than they do, but not many couples the other way around.
My last gf made much more than I do. It was so nice. Too bad she was bi-polar or some shit & went full crazy so I had to end it. She would keep texting me & messaging me on FB for 2 months after it was over with more psycho shit blaming me saying I used her for her $.

If that were the case, I would have moved to FL with her, as that was what we were planning when she went ape shit, & then just live with one of my friends down there after we got there. She ended up moving to FL by herself.

She showed her true colors in another way, though. She said to me that she should have picked a guy with a better job & money.

I guess $ is the root of all evil.
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      01-31-2020, 03:10 PM   #5199
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Here's something I've wrestled with for years. Does a prospective partner's financial status, at least relative to your own, matter to you?
Opportunity knocking, ASSuming you are above the subsistence level and she is down near it. You are then the person who showed her <operas, wine, car rides, vacations, THE WORLD> and she will be "GRATEFUL"
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      01-31-2020, 03:12 PM   #5200
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Opportunity knocking, ASSuming you are above the subsistence level and she is down near it. You are then the person who showed her <operas, wine, car rides, vacations, THE WORLD> and she will be "GRATEFUL"
Well, I guess if you want to buy love.
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      01-31-2020, 03:14 PM   #5201
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Originally Posted by pennsiveguy View Post
Here's something I've wrestled with for years. Does a prospective partner's financial status, at least relative to your own, matter to you?

I've drifted all over the road on this one. Does it matter to me? (Yeah, kind of). If it does, when and how do I bring it up? How much of a difference in financial status can a couple withstand, without it becoming an issue at some point?

Would love to know how you folks have grappled with this.

I just became poor. Seemed simpler.


No, but in seriousness, I think it is an issue. Not for me so much in that I wanted her to make as much as me or more, but rather that I just wanted to see that she had drive and ambition and worked hard.

And generally speaking, people with those attributes tend to hold down decent jobs, but it was more an attributes thing I was looking at.
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      01-31-2020, 03:17 PM   #5202
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Opportunity knocking, ASSuming you are above the subsistence level and she is down near it. You are then the person who showed her <operas, wine, car rides, vacations, THE WORLD> and she will be "GRATEFUL"
Sure, and I'll enjoy showing her those things. But will I harbor resentment towards her, for having had to pay for all of it? I got that T-shirt.
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      01-31-2020, 03:19 PM   #5203
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Well, I guess if you want to buy love.
No, I wouldn't take a hoe to the opera. But the expressions, the newness or those things that have maybe lost a little bit of their luster, shining thru her eyes.
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      01-31-2020, 03:20 PM   #5204
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I just became poor. Seemed simpler.


No, but in seriousness, I think it is an issue. Not for me so much in that I wanted her to make as much as me or more, but rather that I just wanted to see that she had drive and ambition and worked hard.

And generally speaking, people with those attributes tend to hold down decent jobs, but it was more an attributes thing I was looking at.
Great point. Financial stability is often - not always - the result of drive and talent and grit. Those are qualities I admire. I wouldn't develop much attraction towards someone I didn't admire. Character can't be purchased for any price.
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      01-31-2020, 03:23 PM   #5205
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Great point. Financial stability is often - not always - the result of drive and talent and grit. Those are qualities I admire. I wouldn't develop much attraction towards someone I didn't admire. Character can't be purchased for any price.
Correct. And if you find that type of person you admire, money isn't going to be on your mind if you are paying. Because you'll see her as an equal regardless of her earnings, it will be the intangible (and tangible) stuff she brings to the table. Can't buy that. Money will be less important and her company will be more important.
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      01-31-2020, 03:25 PM   #5206
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Correct. And if you find that type of person you admire, money isn't going to be on your mind if you are paying. Because you'll see her as an equal regardless of her earnings, it will be the intangible (and tangible) stuff she brings to the table. Can't buy that. Money will be less important and her company will be more important.
There's much wisdom here. I would hope that in such a scenario I would b able to muster the grace to appreciate what I'd found.
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      01-31-2020, 03:28 PM   #5207
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Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
I just became poor. Seemed simpler.


No, but in seriousness, I think it is an issue. Not for me so much in that I wanted her to make as much as me or more, but rather that I just wanted to see that she had drive and ambition and worked hard.

And generally speaking, people with those attributes tend to hold down decent jobs, but it was more an attributes thing I was looking at.
No ambition? Can't be my gf!

One of my current FWBs seems to be lazy with no ambition. She was a teacher in CA then moved back here to PA 3 years ago to live with her sister & still lives there.

The reason? Migraines. We get it that they are terrible when they happen. However, that's not a reason to be a bum & collect my tax dollars aka disability for it. Go get a real full-time job. Not this nanny shit.

I have dated women who get migraines & they all held down full-time jobs & normal lives & had their own places.

Whatever, I have tried to talk sense into her & no change. The sex is good & she brings food a lot so whatever. It will never be more than this, though. She also has that annoying valley girl voice that us men do to imitate women...as her actual voice. Ugh
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      01-31-2020, 03:30 PM   #5208
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Correct. And if you find that type of person you admire, money isn't going to be on your mind if you are paying. Because you'll see her as an equal regardless of her earnings, it will be the intangible (and tangible) stuff she brings to the table. Can't buy that. Money will be less important and her company will be more important.
60% of wealth is inherited I believe so....

I think your statement mostly applies to rich folks. Someone earning a modest living can't afford to pay for another lazy ass adult.
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      01-31-2020, 03:34 PM   #5209
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60% of wealth is inherited I believe so....

I think your statement mostly applies to rich folks. Someone earning a modest living can't afford to pay for another lazy ass adult.
Most people who don't have a lot of money think that a lot of money would solve every imaginable problem. It doesn't. Look at all the lottery winners who crash and burn.
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      01-31-2020, 03:38 PM   #5210
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Most people who don't have a lot of money think that a lot of money would solve every imaginable problem. It doesn't. Look at all the lottery winners who crash and burn.
I can't speak for others, but I didn't say or think that. However, being someone that has made a shit ton more than I do now, it solves a lot. It would solve a lot of my current issues, that's for sure. In fact, it's the only way to solve them.

Those are people without common sense. Give me a lottery jackpot & it will not be wasted & I won't be broke ever.
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      01-31-2020, 03:42 PM   #5211
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I can't speak for others, but I didn't say or think that. However, being someone that has made a shit ton more than I do now, it solves a lot. It would solve a lot of my current issues, that's for sure. In fact, it's the only way to solve them.

Those are people without common sense. Give me a lottery jackpot & it will not be wasted & I won't be broke ever.
I think we're in agreement. Money does solve some things - mainly, a shortage of money. Which is a big deal. And it brings you some options.
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      01-31-2020, 03:44 PM   #5212
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I think we're in agreement. Money does solve some things - mainly, a shortage of money. Which is a big deal. And it brings you some options.
Let's get a drink!
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      01-31-2020, 03:52 PM   #5213
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I can't speak for others, but I didn't say or think that. However, being someone that has made a shit ton more than I do now, it solves a lot. It would solve a lot of my current issues, that's for sure. In fact, it's the only way to solve them.

Those are people without common sense. Give me a lottery jackpot & it will not be wasted & I won't be broke ever.
That's also my impression, what little I know of lottery winners, that they're...let's call it "financially unsophisticated." And probably poorly advised. Not to mention set upon my every mooch in the world.
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      01-31-2020, 04:30 PM   #5214
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Update: met her for dinner yesterday. Looked like her pictures thankfully lol. I was going to FaceTime prior to meeting as it was suggested here but I had a good feeling she wasn't lying since she added me on her IG by accepting my request (her IG is private so that tells me in fact it is her).

Anyways, dinner went really well. Down to earth lady. Good job, not money hungry like these other girls I've seen, and has a Model 3 (not that her car matters but I can appreciate someone who doesn't drive beaters lol) Family oriented as well. Spent a good 3.5 hours with her, so I'd call that a good start? We may meet again soon, she lives around an hour from me.
That's a really good start.

For me it's been one or the other. They either look nothing like their pictures, or have zero personality.
I hear that's a pretty common case these days. When you say zero personality, how were you made aware of it? The usual lacking of quality engaging conversations or just a lack of enthusiasm?
Usually just terrible at conversation. I'm fairly outgoing, so I think part of it is them being nervous or shy. I think many of them just aren't that interesting. You ask them their hobbies, what they do for fun, what inspires them, etc, and they do nothing but sit on Facebook all day and like Instagram posts.
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