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| 12-21-2022, 06:43 PM | #859 |
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Major General
 
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Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
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| 12-21-2022, 06:48 PM | #860 |
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Major General
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Man says to wife "I think we should try another position tonight"
"Okay" says wife "you do the ironing and cooking and I'll sit on the sofa and watch sports and fart" |
| 12-21-2022, 08:26 PM | #861 |
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Major General
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How is life like toilet paper? You're either on a roll or taking shit from someone.
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| 12-22-2022, 01:41 PM | #864 |
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Enlisted Member
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A 70 year old man asked his wife:
Do you feel sad when you see me running after young girls? Wife replied: No, not at all. Even dogs chase cars they can`t drive! |
| 12-22-2022, 01:45 PM | #866 |
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Enlisted Member
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100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars.
Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned. |
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KRS_SN13516.50 Esteban43668.50 Llarry15871.00 Soul_Glo13347.00 garyfried286.00 Buug95917397.50 BMWGUYinCO4122.50 Samurai of 2day2115.00 |
| 12-22-2022, 05:23 PM | #867 |
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Major General
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What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.
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| 12-23-2022, 11:19 AM | #868 |
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Major General
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What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
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| 12-23-2022, 04:08 PM | #869 | |
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Captain
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Quote:
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| 12-26-2022, 05:54 PM | #870 |
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Colonel
 
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Husband and wife in bed together.
She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder. She:"Oh that feels good." His hand moves to her breast. She: "Gee, honey that feels wonderful." His hand moves to her leg. She: "Oh, honey, don't stop." But he stops. She: "Why did you stop?" He: "I found the remote."
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///M235i | Mineral Grey Metallic | Premium Package | Technology Package | Driver Assistance Package | Dakota Coral Red/Black Leather | Harman/Kardon Premium 360 watt sound system | 8-speed automatic
When writing your life's plan, use a pencil with an eraser |
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| 12-26-2022, 09:31 PM | #871 |
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Major General
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A judge is about to pass sentence on a man:
Judge: "The defendant will rise. You have been found guilty of the heinous crime of murdering your wife by means of blows to the head with a hammer". A man shouts out from the public gallery: "Bastard!". The judge looks up at him, disapprovingly, and, looking at the defendant, continues: 'You have further been found guilty of the crime of murdering all your children, by means of blows to the head with a hammer" The man in the public gallery shouts out again: "You f*g bastard!" The judge replies: "Silence in my court, these outbursts will not be tolerated", and turning to the defendant: continues "You have further been found guilty, by a majority verdict, of the merciless slaughter of your mother-in-law, and her husband, by means of blows to the head with a hammer". 'You Bastard!" the man in the public gallery shouts out again. The judge says: "Clerk of the court, bring that man down before me". When the man is in front of him, the judge says: " before I pass sentence on you for contempt of my court, do you wish to say anything?" To which the man replies: "I'm sorry, your honour, but I've been living next door to that man for 10 years, and every time I ask to borrow a hammer, he says he hasn't got one," |
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| 12-26-2022, 09:34 PM | #873 |
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Major General
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My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
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| 12-27-2022, 12:49 AM | #874 |
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Second Lieutenant
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Drives: MY24 Porsche Taycan
Join Date: Nov 2022
Location: Texas
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Do you know why Texas doesn’t just fall off into the Gulf of Mexico?
Because Oklahoma sucks! ��
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MY24 Porsche Taycan | Neptune blue | Black |
MY24 Audi SQ5 Prestige | Mythos black metallic | Magma red Nappa Retired: MY23 BMW 840i Coupe | MY21 Audi SQ5 | MY19 Audi A6 |
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| 12-28-2022, 09:12 PM | #875 |
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Major General
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My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
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| 12-29-2022, 07:14 AM | #877 |
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Friends don't let friends ESS
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Drives: '11 Lemans Blue 6mt Harrop e90
Join Date: Dec 2020
Location: Camas, WA
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Garage List 2011 E90 M3 [9.00]
2003 Porsche 911 Turbo [9.75] 2019 BMW X5 xDrive40i [0.00] 2013 Mercedes E550 ... [0.00] |
By the way, do you know why cows never get a pedicure?
Well for one thing they lack-toes |
| 12-29-2022, 10:25 AM | #878 |
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Brigadier General
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Here's the latest from my grandson:
He asks, "Grandpa, what kind of deer can you see through" I reply, "I don't know." He replies, "A windoe". |
| 12-29-2022, 12:33 PM | #879 |
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Brigadier General
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Why did the deer go to the ATM?
To pick up some bucks. |
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| 12-29-2022, 05:45 PM | #880 |
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Major General
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"Knock, knock!"
"Who's there?" "Abby." "Abby who?" "Abby New Year to you all!" 🎉 🎈 🎊
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