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      11-27-2021, 07:50 AM   #1
baege
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Never been crazy in love?

Tried some google searches, but nothing really came up on point.

So I figured I'd throw it in the ring here:

I am in my late 40's and I've never been crazy, head over heels in love with anyone. You know the stuff you see in the movies, can't stop thinking about them, can't wait to see them again, and can't imagine life without them. My buddy calls falling for someone this way, getting struck by a thunderbolt. I've never been struck by a thunderbolt.

I had crushes as a kid and teen and in my early 20's, but then never really crushed after that. I would be "into" a particular girl at school or work after that, but I wouldn't say it was even a crush, more like I really liked her look AND her vibe.

I've dated a lot and had four serious long term relationships. I have loved all of my partners, but never been crazy in love with any of them, none of them was the thunderbolt.

When I look at my buddies I see some of them seem to been hit by thunderbolts, but some of them haven't really.

I guess I wonder if there are certain types of people who just don't have the capacity for thunderbolt love, (my current partner actually wonders the same thing about herself). I am an only child raised by a single Mom and generally a very independent person. I wonder sometimes if I've just developed a selfhood that doesn't leave room for the kind of dependence that would come with the thunderbolt kind of love?

Anyone feel similar?
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      11-27-2021, 08:00 AM   #2
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The "thunderbolt love" you're referring to is infatuation based on pleasure/joy, not happiness. It's the unsustainable kind where you have a huge surge of dopamine - much like someone's brain on cocaine. It puts you in a state where you feel like you'll be ecstatic forever. Except, nothing can stay ecstatic forever. Eventually everything settles back to the mean/average. It's at these low points where the once amazing relationship leads to break ups (unfortunately, divorces too). Many examples out there.

Maybe physiologically speaking, these kinds of feelings are had more by younger ppl with surge of hormones?

While exciting, I wouldn't say you're missing out. If you look at long term happiness, there's way more happiness to be had out of a relationship that lasts 30+ years which is based on realistic and sustainable feelings, than one that lasts 1 year with huge highs that are unsustainable.
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      11-27-2021, 08:34 AM   #3
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I have been once, but it was something that developed over several years. I dated a girl in college briefly, there was a strong connection/attraction but distance became an issue. 7 years later we met again and dated for a bit, the feelings were strong during that time but I believe it was because it was with someone familiar that I knew well, and sort of like getting back the one that got away.

With that said, when things went south there was a longer time period needed to get past it.
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      11-27-2021, 09:16 AM   #4
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I have, luckily it’s my wife.
I met her in Vegas, we were both at work conferences. We hung out at dinners and clubs for the few days there and we both went our own ways. After being home 2 days I knew I had to see her again but I didn’t want to visit the frozen tundra where she lived. We talked all the time when we weren’t working and I bought her a ticket to Miami. We met there for a weekend and I knew she was the one. She moved to NJ with me 2 months later and we have been together 17 years.
Did I mention we met on Valentine’s Day?
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      11-27-2021, 09:30 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tommy-G View Post
I have, luckily it’s my wife.
I met her in Vegas, we were both at work conferences. We hung out at dinners and clubs for the few days there and we both went our own ways. After being home 2 days I knew I had to see her again but I didn’t want to visit the frozen tundra where she lived. We talked all the time when we weren’t working and I bought her a ticket to Miami. We met there for a weekend and I knew she was the one. She moved to NJ with me 2 months later and we have been together 17 years.
Did I mention we met on Valentine’s Day?
Well done. It seems Cupid was a good shot that day.
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      11-27-2021, 03:40 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by baege View Post
Never been crazy in love?
Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no
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      11-27-2021, 05:36 PM   #7
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I had a girl once that i`d have died for - is that crazy in love? Didn`t feel like it at the time but i`ve not felt like that with any after
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      11-27-2021, 08:12 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BRAKE! View Post
The "thunderbolt love" you're referring to is infatuation based on pleasure/joy, not happiness. It's the unsustainable kind where you have a huge surge of dopamine - much like someone's brain on cocaine. It puts you in a state where you feel like you'll be ecstatic forever. Except, nothing can stay ecstatic forever. Eventually everything settles back to the mean/average. It's at these low points where the once amazing relationship leads to break ups (unfortunately, divorces too). Many examples out there.

Maybe physiologically speaking, these kinds of feelings are had more by younger ppl with surge of hormones?

While exciting, I wouldn't say you're missing out. If you look at long term happiness, there's way more happiness to be had out of a relationship that lasts 30+ years which is based on realistic and sustainable feelings, than one that lasts 1 year with huge highs that are unsustainable.
hah
i can tell you all about this, recently got out of a 1.5yr relationship that was the best time of my life i never want to have again
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      11-28-2021, 12:13 AM   #9
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Seems like a crazy question to ask on a car site, but I'll play:

I still get chills thinking about how it felt when I first met my future wife. Love at first site. I could not stop thinking about her and wanted to spend nearly every moment with her, and I was living with another woman at the time. We've now been married for 40-years and have lived together for almost 50!

Three kids later, the infatuation has matured—as we have. Follow your heart.
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      11-28-2021, 10:28 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chapperss View Post
I had a girl once that i`d have died for - is that crazy in love? Didn`t feel like it at the time but i`ve not felt like that with any after
Where did she go?
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      11-28-2021, 11:26 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by Tommy-G View Post
Where did she go?
Ran off with another bloke
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      11-28-2021, 01:44 PM   #12
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I've had that feeling once. I had a girlfriend 7 years ago I was with for about a year. It didn't work out for various reasons.

I'm married now and while I love my wife, nothing will ever top that. I kind of feel like a scumbag typing this but it's the truth
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      11-29-2021, 08:19 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tyga11 View Post
I've had that feeling once. I had a girlfriend 7 years ago I was with for about a year. It didn't work out for various reasons.

I'm married now and while I love my wife, nothing will ever top that. I kind of feel like a scumbag typing this but it's the truth
I dont think so. I dated an amazing girl who made me feel incredible. She was def an 11 in the looks and body category but couldnt let go of her Ex. We dated for about a year and I had to walk away. We still keep in touch and I always wonder what could have been....but to be honest, she was out of my league.
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      11-29-2021, 08:49 AM   #14
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No, thought I maybe was but i was more in love with the idea of coupledom.
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      11-29-2021, 10:57 AM   #15
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I think it depends on the person to some degree. We have all had that friend that falls head over heels every time. I think you are that person and WANT to be head over heels and so you are.

I have always been boringly rational. I know the way I am and that I won't change and don't really want to. So finding someone that won't drive me insane and I won't drive them insane is my entire goal. Lust fades pretty quickly in my book and my saying from my early days of "You don't invite crazy into your life" is still there. Takes me a while to get to know someone and look for the flags - which does not lead to a lot of heads over heels moments unfortunately.

Luckily Renee and I mesh very well with just enough differences to make it fun and I still find her incredible attractive. It takes time for me to get there though, so never had a lightening bolt moment in my life, but that is just because I am not that person.

I've always been a "toe dipper" - not a "plunge" kinda guy on this subject.........LOL
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      11-29-2021, 11:21 AM   #16
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Been married twice, 3 - 4 other serious relationships. Lots of dating in between. No, I have never felt this. When I meet new people now and they ask I am married, or reconnect with old friends who ask if I have remarried, when I say No, 100% of them say something like "marriage is hard, I am not sure I would do it again".

The key I think is to find your best friend, who you are also attracted to, and can compromise with. And what unluky said.
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