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      08-30-2018, 02:30 PM   #23
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Started bad: Blind date. No pictures, just a brief description that she might be "a bit chuncky" I prefer curves, so no biggie. Get to the house, open teh gate and walk to the door. Knock, and this large dike-looking woman answers. High/tight, jeans, boots, sleeves rolled up. Well, I'm here, and I'm still hungry so WTF.

Good: that was her sister I married the other one a few years after.
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      08-30-2018, 02:35 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by knowthebattle View Post
famous words from every woman about you??
I won't lie, I have no shame, I've been told this a time or two. The way I see it is that just because their last boyfriend was hung like John Holmes or that due to some freak bastardry of nature you could yodel in there doesn't say anything about me. I've been told "ouch" more times than the inverse so I'm comfortable with who I am.
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      08-30-2018, 02:39 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by DETRoadster View Post
The Bad:

It was 1998. I was recently divorced from my fat, low IQ, unemployed, cheating, ho-bag first wife. Got set up with this chick on a blind date. On paper she was great. In med school (smart, motivated, income potential), avid snowboarder and into martial arts (wont get fat), into punk rock (hard to find). Met up for date #1 with our mutual friend who set us up and her boyfriend. She's super hot but a total pain in the ass. More sarcastic than me. Got completely trashed. Spilled wine on me. Not much chemistry. Dropped her off at her house at the end of the night. She says "thanks" and bails fast. OK. Wont see her again. To my surprise she calls me up a couple days later and apologizes for getting so trashed. Wants to take me out for a drink because she feels bad I paid for everything on date #1. We go out on Date #2 and the chemistry is even worse. Mostly because I'm prepared for her sarcastic, pointed, style of conversation and so i just give it right back to her. F*ck it, right? You're going to come in hot and try to go toe to toe with me on pointed sarcasm? You'll lose every time honey. She retaliates by spending the whole time talking about her ex boyfriend. Yikes, this is going downhill fast. Time to pull the chute. I fake an "emergency" and get out. Last I'll see of her, or so I thought. She calls me up the next day. We chat on the phone. She's actually kinda interesting when she's not being a pain in the ass. I have no other irons in the fire and online dating has not been invented yet so WTF, I'll just hang out with her and see where it goes. Maybe Date 3 will be hilariously worse than date 2...

The Good:

Fast forward 20 years. She's still a total pain in my ass, but in the best possible way. Have not gone a single day in 20 years without talking to her. Been married for 10 of those 20 years. She's a successful doctor who can still kick my ass in the snowboard park. She's still hot AF. We still laugh that after our 3rd date she tried to pawn me off on her dumpy friend who was like "Well if he's as great as you say he is, why are you trying to set me up with him?"
This deserves a trophy!!! This entire thread belongs to you sir. WINNAR!!!!
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      08-30-2018, 02:56 PM   #26
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I had a buddy just tell me this story this weekend:
He went to Panama for a bachelor party. He doesn't speak a lick of Spanish. Swiped right on Tinder. Matched up on a cute chick. Met up at breakfast date. She took him around on a tour of the country and he got to smash it out at night. Win-Win.
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      08-30-2018, 03:01 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Not_Judy View Post
Busted the aforementioned succubus with a keylogger, not only once but 5 different times on my laptop. Of course I was the asshole because I was spying on her, not because she was a lying, cheating manipulating whore. Funny how that works.

Speaking of threesomes.....knew a guy who worked out of town a lot. He owned an amazing 2.5 million dollar home on a bluff and asked the wife and I to house-sit for him one weekend as he just broke up with his girlfriend who was a little off kilter. He stocked the fridge with food, beer and liquor for us for the weekend. As we are on our way to the house we stop and have a few drinks at a bar on the patio. While having a few one of the wife's friends was there and ended up going back to the dudes house with us. Apparently million dollar plus homes are one of the biggest aphrodisiacs I have encountered. Needless to say, we got really drunk and took turns on each other and each other's other. Till about 3 a.m. The bear skin rug in front of the gas fireplace, the outdoor pool table, the observatory, the hot tub on the edge of the bluff......crazy night.
FTW!
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      08-30-2018, 03:02 PM   #28
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I'll tell a bad one on myself. In my 20's, my step-sister lives in a larger city about an hour away and works in a bar. She sets me up on a date with her co-worker whom I have not met or seen. This is early days of cell phones, we're talking Motorola Star-Tac. On my way to meet said date, she calls and tells me she has to work but rather cancel, she wants me to come to the bar and hang out while she is working and we plan to go to a "party" afterward. Sold. I get to the bar and I'm intorduced to her....... she is smoking hot! She is very cool, very funny and drop dead gorgeous. We hit it off really well, joking around, giving each other a hard time back and forth and making fun of the bar patrons....I say bar but it was more of a nightclub. As the evening goes on she continues to give me drinks for free. It seems that every 15-20 minutes she is bringing me another drink, soon I'm in over my head. The bar gets really warm, the room is spinning, I break out into a cold sweat and then it happens. The lights come on, it's closing time, as she walks up to me I'm completely taken aback at how amazingly beautiful she is. She comes over and give me a kiss and tells me she has to clean up, change clothes and we'll head to the party.....it's at that very moment I projectile vomit all over her. I have never in my life been so embarrassed.

She was an absolute champion. She went to the bathroom and cleaned the alcohol she had been steadily delivering me all evening off her chest and out of her hair then she drove me to her house. She apologized time and time again for getting me that drunk. She even mentioned that she was impressed at how well I held my liquor. She was waiting for me to tell her I had enough and I didn't want her to throw out drinks she had already made without asking. After she took a shower, we may or may not have consumed something to pick me up and sober me up rather quickly and went to said party. The party we went to is a story all by itself. If any of you ever get invited to go to a Rastafarian Nine Night celebration/funeral it is something to behold. An entire hotel was rented for the celebration/funeral of one of her close friends mother. I only remember bits and pieces of this night. I do remember getting back to her house around 10:00 a.m. and sleeping there for a while before I went home.

We dated for a few months until eventually I became jealous of all the guys that she was getting attention from and we ended it amicably. She was a blast, very forgiving and nurturing. I always enjoyed going somewhere with her and every guy in the place trying to figure out why she was with me. We just seemed to have fun like a couple of small kids together.
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      08-30-2018, 04:34 PM   #29
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I love these "Cool Story Bro" threads.
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      08-30-2018, 04:58 PM   #30
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I love these "Cool Story Bro" threads.
Do you not have a cool story bro?
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      08-31-2018, 02:03 PM   #31
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Do you not have a cool story bro?
I really don't have one. Been behaving quite good all these years But I love reading through these stories from time to time.
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      08-31-2018, 02:27 PM   #32
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Bad: I tried my hand at online dating when it first came out. I messaged a girl I thought was cute, turns out when I went to pick her up it was her mom. I felt bad for her and we went to this bar for drinks and I felt people's eyes on us.

I was 23 at the time, she was probably 44-45. Not horrible, but no Stifler's Mom...it was probably the most awkward date I've ever been on...got worse when she attacked my throat with her tongue in the car when I dropped off and jumped out of the car like it was the most normal thing in the world and asked me to call her again. Never did.

I just sat there and thought...WTF just happened.

Good: I met my wife's best friend in Santorini when me and a bunch of friends were vacationing. In 1 night of knowing me, she told me she had the perfect girl in Montreal for me. (5 hours from Toronto) I was like no fucking way I'm doing the long distance thing...well after they came for a visit and I was introduced to my future wife...the rest is history.
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      08-31-2018, 05:38 PM   #33
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The Good: Met a girl on the internet one time, we went out for drinks, and then another night she wanted to come over and have drinks at my place. We were chatting and enjoying some nice NZ Sauvignon Blancs when she wanted to play some truth or dare - that was cool. It was all relatively innocent (some truth, she dared me to give her a foot massage etc.) and then I dared her to dance for me on the rug in front of the fire. Dance. She interpreted that as strip, and lets just say the night got better from there!

The Bad: Met a girl on the internet (notice a theme here) and we chatted for ages - she wrote the most entertaining emails. Long story short she needed a ride into the university the next day, and I was heading to town for a meeting, so I offered her a lift, and we decided to hang at a coffee shop before we had to be at our respective places. Longest 2 hours of my life. For someone who wrote the most entertaining emails, she could hardly say more than 2 or 3 words in a sentence. I spent the whole time asking her questions to just get a very short answer and that was it. So painful.

The Ugly: Met a girl on the internet (surprise surprise) and agreed to have dinner with her. Went to pick her up to find she had used her younger (MUCH younger) sisters pics on the profile, and looked NOTHING like her sister. Being a gentleman we still had dinner, but that was the end of her pretty fast!
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      08-31-2018, 09:34 PM   #34
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As I'm divorced now I've had quite a few in the last 10 months.

The Bad:
Met an atty IRL who was super hot blonde, extremely charming and a bit eclectic. Went out a couple of times and there is a little chemistry but not outstanding. Decide to give it one more try and did dinner and a movie. She shows up 2 glasses of wine in, has 2 more at dinner and orders one in the movie. The slurring starts just as the movie starts. She's 5'0, 97#'s. She starts commenting on the movie quite loudly and won't stop. 3 days later, when the movie finally ends, she attempts to leap to her feet and promptly falls over. I get her back in the seat and we sit until the theater empties. I then get her on her feet and walk her back to her condo. One hour later she FaceTimes me and to no ones surprise, she had another glass of wine in her hand. Last date.

The Bad MKII
Online date: Super cute. Amazing legs. She shows up in a very nice dress which she obviously put on just after she plowed the south 40 and milked the cows. She didn't smell good. I made an excuse after the first drink and left.

The Good:

Online date: Shows up for a drink. She is EXACTLY what she looks like online. Super hot, great sense of humor. Amazing kisser. A few dates and I decide to brave a movie. We walk in and I see one of my parents good friends and the retired dean at the Law School. I say hello as she goes to the bathroom and when she returns I tell her all about the encounter with my parents friend and we enter the theater. We find our seats and guess what...they are next to the Good Professor. She leans over and whispers to me, "That's your parent's friend, correct? to which I reply, "Um, yes?" Without warning, she leaps into my lap and starts making out like we're teenagers. Keep in mind the Esteemed Professor is Indian by descent and extremely conservative. This goes on for several minutes and when she stops she just looks at me with a lopsided grin on her face. He shortly gets up to grab a drink (he returned with one) and as soon as he stands, she grabs me and starts kissing me again. She randomly kisses me and jumps/moves over to my seat several more times until the movie ends. When the lights come up again, the Esteemed Professor looks over at us and says, "Please give your parents my best, Mr. K_________. I hope you enjoyed the parts of the movie you could see."
After he passed, we laughed our butts off.

More later.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jtodd_fl View Post
Hell, I get random sausage attacks when I go anywhere.

Several actors have played James Bond, Sean Connery IS James Bond...

Last edited by MKSixer; 08-31-2018 at 10:03 PM..
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      08-31-2018, 10:02 PM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MKSixer View Post
As I'm divorced now I've had quite a few in the last 10 months.

The Bad:
Met an atty IRL who was super hot blonde, extremely charming and a bit eclectic. Went out a couple of times and there is a little chemistry but not outstanding. Decide to give it one more try and did dinner and a movie. She shows up 2 glasses of wine in, has 2 more at dinner and orders one in the movie. The slurring starts just as the movie starts. She's 5'0, 97#'s. She starts commenting on the movie quite loudly and won't stop. 3 days later, when the movie finally ends, she attempts to leap to her feet and promptly falls over. I get her back in the seat and we sit until the theater empties. I then get her on her feet and walk her back to her condo. One hour later she FaceTimes me and to no ones surprise, she had another glass of wine in her hand. Last date.

The Bad MKII
Online date: Super cute. Amazing legs. She shows up in a very nice dress which she obviously put on just after she plowed the south 40 and milked the cows. She didn't smell good. I made an excuse after the first drink and left.

The Good:

Online date: Shows up for a drink. She is EXACTLY what she looks like online. Super hot, great sense of humor. Amazing kisser. A few dates and I decide to brave a movie. We walk in and I see one of my parents good friends and the retired dean at the Law School. I say hello as she goes to the bathroom and when she returns I tell her all about the encounter with my parents friend and we enter the theater. We find our seats and guess what...they are next to the Good Professor. She leans over and whispers to me, "That's your parent's friend, correct? to which I reply, "Um, yes?" Without warning, she leaps into my lap and starts making out like we're teenagers. Keep in mind the Esteemed Professor is Indian by descent and extremely conservative. This goes on for several minutes and when she stops she just looks at me with a lopsided grin on her face. He shortly gets up to grab a drink (he returned with one) and as soon as he stands, she grabs me and starts kissing me again. She randomly kisses me and jumps moves over to my seat several more times until the movie ends. When the lights come up again, the Esteemed Professor looks over at us and says, "Please give your parents my best, Mr. K_________. I hope you enjoyed the parts of the movie you could see."
After he passed, we laughed our butts off.

More later.
Holy crap, I am glad to not be in the dating game! It takes balls and patience and the patience thing is in short supply!
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      08-31-2018, 10:07 PM   #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by irishbimmer View Post
Holy crap, I am glad to not be in the dating game! It takes balls and patience and the patience thing is in short supply!
Bill, it's worse than you can imagine.

There was one who's primary focus of the conversation was around the various brands of trailer homes. Yes. Trailer homes. I'm not a snob by any means but I do require a certain level of sophistication in order to have interesting conversation. The updates on the latest trailer home technology is of zero interest to me. It was a double blind date. A friend of a friend fixed us up. She was hot, however!!
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Originally Posted by jtodd_fl View Post
Hell, I get random sausage attacks when I go anywhere.

Several actors have played James Bond, Sean Connery IS James Bond...
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      08-31-2018, 10:08 PM   #37
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Here on Neptune there is no such thing as dating. Bio sensors merely signal genetic opposite receptors or depositors within two hundred or so hectares and mating begins at a predefined location and time. What your species calls foreplay on Neptune is essentially preliminary mating ritual lasting anywhere from 25 to 31 lunar cycles. Mating then begins in earnest lasting 30 to 75 lunar cycles. If progeny is desired by the participants mating cycles drop to between 30 and 45 lunar cycles.
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      08-31-2018, 10:11 PM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sea-Tac View Post
Here on Neptune there is no such thing as dating. Bio sensors merely signal genetic opposite receptors or depositors within two hundred or so hectares and mating begins at a predefined location and time. What your species calls foreplay on Neptune is essentially preliminary mating ritual lasting anywhere from 25 to 31 lunar cycles. Mating then begins in earnest lasting 30 to 75 lunar cycles. If progeny is desired by the participants mating cycles drop to between 30 and 45 lunar cycles.
In the sauce again, are we?
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Originally Posted by jtodd_fl View Post
Hell, I get random sausage attacks when I go anywhere.

Several actors have played James Bond, Sean Connery IS James Bond...
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      08-31-2018, 10:31 PM   #39
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MKSixer View Post
There was one who's primary focus of the conversation was around the various brands of trailer homes. Yes. Trailer homes. I'm not a snob by any means but I do require a certain level of sophistication in order to have interesting conversation. The updates on the latest trailer home technology is of zero interest to me. It was a double blind date. A friend of a friend fixed us up. She was hot, however!!
Trailer park gals need lovin' too, MK.
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      08-31-2018, 10:39 PM   #40
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Originally Posted by MKSixer View Post
In the sauce again, are we?
In a manner of speaking, yes. Recharging the crystals atop the needle for the long flight home tomorrow.
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      08-31-2018, 10:46 PM   #41
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Originally Posted by MKSixer View Post
Bill, it's worse than you can imagine.

There was one who's primary focus of the conversation was around the various brands of trailer homes. Yes. Trailer homes. I'm not a snob by any means but I do require a certain level of sophistication in order to have interesting conversation. The updates on the latest trailer home technology is of zero interest to me. It was a double blind date. A friend of a friend fixed us up. She was hot, however!!
The things ya gotta put up with dont seem to get better!
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      08-31-2018, 10:50 PM   #42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sea-Tac View Post
Here on Neptune there is no such thing as dating. Bio sensors merely signal genetic opposite receptors or depositors within two hundred or so hectares and mating begins at a predefined location and time. What your species calls foreplay on Neptune is essentially preliminary mating ritual lasting anywhere from 25 to 31 lunar cycles. Mating then begins in earnest lasting 30 to 75 lunar cycles. If progeny is desired by the participants mating cycles drop to between 30 and 45 lunar cycles.
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      08-31-2018, 11:45 PM   #43
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The Bad:
She shows up 2 glasses of wine in, has 2 more at dinner and orders one in the movie.
More later.
Well, you better not date me cuz I'm showing up 10 drinks in and will only be blah blah blahing about BP.
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      09-01-2018, 01:52 AM   #44
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Good-ish: when I was shopping around for my first apartment I settled on one that I liked. So happy, I took my "gurls" (gay term for close gay friends) to see the place. As we were looking over the property I looked out of the kitchen window and spotted the hottest Latin dude that I'd ever laid eyes on. I didn't say much to the "gurls" but my mind was gone. As we were leaving, the dude was out with his friends and looking at us and we were doing the cat call thing, just joking around having fun. When we got in the car, he kept his eyes on me and I threw up a head nod to say "what's up wit'chu?". Oh my friends gave me hell cause I'm a dork/stalwart and really don't make any moves on ANYONE, so me even acknowledging anyone speaking to me was a big step!!

As we were leaving he kept watching, and I told my friends "I'm gna marry THAT man!"

Fast forward to move in date and I'd gotten most of the stuff in the apartment and me and my "gurls" cooked out to celebrate the move in and they slowly dispersed as the night went on and went home. As I was cleaning up things this man grabbed two beers and made his way over. When I came back out he was standing at the back porch with two beers and said "Sup!" and introduced himself in typical Latin fashion by announcing his complete name with all surnames included. In the poorest English I've ever heard "My name's NAME WITHELD NAME WITHELD, u wanna beer?" He said all 4 names...omfG SN: I'm a sucker for VERY masculine men and this man OOZED masculinity...he practically Breathed it...Woo Lawd...I MELTED, but held it together, and thankfully I speak fluent Spanish so the communication gap shortened.

We had more beers and talked as the night went on, connecting like no other that I'd ever met in the history of LIFE. And then I made the biggest mistake of all. He offered to help me unpack and I invited him in. Not much unpacking got done because this man had me spellbound and somehow we ended up having the most intense sex for hours upon hours. I'm not "easy" but ol dude had this one in the bag from the get go.

The next day he asks me "who's moving into this big place with you" and I say "no one, just me." "You need a roommate?"

And this is what I call the longest "one night-stand" I've ever had. We lasted 5 years before he was deported. I came home one day and he was just gone...

Many good times and bad, but mostly good. The first person that my family accepted as Uncle Fred's "friend" lol. My Mom (the ultra conservative Southern Baptist Christian still asks about him....) There'd be nights we would just lie in bed and he'd ask "how could you care for me? I'm no one, I'm like a dog in the streets, people just throw me away...WHY do you Love me so much?" and I'd reply "because I do...you mean something to me AACV" (I'd say his full name because he liked that).

I haven't dated much (if at all) since this because I don't much care to experience this sensation again. We were from two totally different backgrounds, me educated and upwardly mobile and he a "straight" illegal immigrant from El Salvador that happened to fall in Love with another man.

I still wonder what happened to him and if he still thinks about me the way I do him...idk.

But this is my "good-ish" experience, and my infamous one night stand that lasted 5 years...heh.

Btw I told yall that I was "wordy" and talked a lot...above post is a prime example.
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