The joke thread, pics are not necessary

[vreihen16]

They’re having a poll for the people to select a new motto for Washington State. Among the candidates:

“Sunburn Free Since 1889”

“The Moss is Greener Here”

“Where Even Rolling Stones Gather Moss”

“Where the Skies All Cloudy All Day”

“April Showers Bring May Showers”

[M5Rick]

A healthy sleep not only makes your life longer, but also shortens the work day.

[Lady Jane]

Q: What do you call a Chevy Chevette identifying as a sport car?

A: Trans Am.

[Llarry]

My new girlfriend accused me of lying when I said I drove a Vette.

I told her "Hey, it's a Chevette!"

[M5Rick]

^ I got one Llarry and it happened in real life.. driving with my girl friend at the time in a Porsche 9 series I got carried away explaining to her the excellent way the car handles and she replied that I was a poseur, obviously she wasn't used to dating a car guy!

[M5Rick]

There's a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Paul.

[Llarry]

An old pilot sat down in a cafe and ordered a cup of coffee.

A few minutes later, a young woman came and sat down across from him and asked "Are you a real pilot?"

"Sure am, missy, I've flown everything from biplanes to Piper Cubs to B-29 Superfortresses. I've taught hundreds of people to fly. I've flown my whole life. What about you?"

"I'm a lesbian. I spend my every waking hour thinking about naked women. I think about naked women when I eat, when I shower, when I watch TV. Everything I do makes me think about naked women."

Just then a young man sat down at the table and asked "Are you a real pilot?"

The pilot replied "Well, I used to be, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

[Llarry]

Merging the airplane and joke threads...

[M5Rick]

The reward for a job well done is more work.

[M5Rick]

I think this generation will have to go into separate rooms and text each other to work out their problems.

[KRS_SN]

Originally Posted by M5Rick

The reward for a job well done is more work.

Words of a senior colleague..

'In this job the harder you work the harder you'll be made to work'.

[KRS_SN]

My friend who is an insomniac, agnostic dyslexic, who laid awake all night wondering if there really was a dog.

[M5Rick]

I've opened three birthday cards and I'm already 150 bucks up. I love being a postman!

[M5Rick]

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

[PcarFan]

Newly married husband puts a notice on the front door of his residence.

For sale: Computer and encyclopedia both in good condition.

Reason for selling: No longer needed, got married. Wife knows everything...With back up server called "Mother in law".

[Esteban]

A blonde called her boyfriend and said “please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure it out or how to get it started.“ Her boyfriend asked “what is it supposed to be when it’s finished?“ The blonde said “according to the picture of the box, it’s a tiger.“

Her boyfriend decided to come over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, looked at the box, then turned to her and said “first of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.“

He took her hand and said “second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then,” he said, “let’s put all these frosted flakes back into the box.“

[M5Rick]

My dad used to say ''always fight fire with fire''. Probably explains why he was thrown out of the Fire Brigade.

[M5Rick]

As time goes on and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.

[PcarFan]

Why are women evacuated first in a disaster?

So men can think of a solution in silence.

[UncleWede]

Who takes care of the chickens?



.



Chicken tender

[CarsAndGuitars]

[CarsAndGuitars]