How long were you and your SO dating before you got married?

happyjack · 02-26-2019, 02:00 PM

started dating on her 22nd birthday (and I was also 22) and we ended up married before i turned 23...about 10 months after we started dating.

been married over 26 years, and while it's had ups and downs (far-and-away mostly ups), i wouldnt change a thing.

that said, the world is very different now 26 years later. unless you are both settled into financially secure careers, then i would strongly recommend that you wait. financial pressures compounded by the likely introduction of kids is what kills most marriages.

my wife and i waited 8 years to have kids. we traveled and partied and were 100% confident that we were ready for a family. marriage is likely the easy decision...but as others have said: once you introduce kids to the mix, then you're at a whole 'nother level.

in this day and age: late-20s is probably the right time to really start considering marriage -- again, assuming you're both comfortable where you are financially / career-wise. seriously take this advice: IT'S NEVER TOO EARLY to start talking about money and financial goals. they will evolve over time, but if one of you has champagne tastes and you're on a natty light budget then you will NOT be happy.

Hawkeye · 02-26-2019, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Our03z4

If you haven't already and believe she's the one, put a ring on it at least. If you think you will be ready in 1 1/2 years you better get busy. Takes a long time to plan and reserve everything, a year cuts it very close. I got married at 20, she was 18, and we both say we wouldn't have changed a thing. Going on 11 years married here, we dated for about 1 1/2 years and knew each other for a while before that. We also were very mature for our age so that didn't cause anyone to say we were too young. Good luck and please update!

I disagree with the thought that everything has to take a long time. We got engaged in February and Married in July of the same year.

UncleWede · 02-26-2019, 03:53 PM

My mother passed away in February. Dad was married in July of that year.

They met online

sspade · 02-26-2019, 03:56 PM

Almost 10 years before we got married... then 2 years in, we got divorced

Thankfully no children involved.

My current relationship is on 2 years and we are headed in that direction. Hesitant to repeat past mistakes!

GoneIn4Secs · 02-26-2019, 04:35 PM

Yea but a thread like this you gotts keep in mind society and lifestyle/cost of living was ALOT different in the 79s, 80s and 90s, even to the mid 00s

Nowawdays its like the twilight zone out there, so just be glad you OP you are lucky enough to have found someone who wants to be with you

Alfisti · 02-27-2019, 08:25 AM

All you uncultured fuckers, how does a wedding cost you a penny? You don't get a booster from the family or ya give toasters as wedding presents?

Hawkeye · 02-27-2019, 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alfisti

All you uncultured fuckers, how does a wedding cost you a penny? You don't get a booster from the family or ya give toasters as wedding presents?

Seeing as we are financially better off then both my and her parents, along with them already working past retirement age so they can maybe be comfortable in retirement.... we decided to pay for everything ourselves.

I don't think parents paying is common like it used to be. The generation that are currently parents are much too selfish for that.

AnOldBiker · 02-27-2019, 09:05 AM

I've been married twice and paid for both.
If we can't pay for our family from the beginning, we shouldn't get married.
Our parents were only there to celebrate the moment of happiness with us, not financial support us.

They are 'our parents', not our bankers.

UncleWede · 02-27-2019, 12:58 PM

I covered my oldest's wedding, ~$550. Told the extremely competitive middle son "Fair is fair, here is your wedding allocation" He was pissed

Then we went to Oregon for his wedding, and the day of he "forgot" his checkbook and couldn't give the caterer her deposit. As I'm "going thru the details of getting my credit card company to approve the remote payment" , his best man found his check book

Germanauto · 02-27-2019, 01:01 PM

ERROR 404: SO not found.

One of my buddies foolishly married some girl he had known for 8 months. He was 23 and knew nothing about the world. She tore him apart from friends and family and his dumb ass kept obliging. I was the only friend of his she didn't make him separate from. Every time I saw her she was in a bad mood and complaining. Dropped out of school when they got engaged, kept making up excuses not to work, etc. My friend finally wised up after 13 months and filed for Divorce.

We are grad students so he got out basically unscathed financially. He's 25, good looking, going to be making major bucks soon, will do just fine. But it's difficult to fully respect such a guy, he thought our crew would come back and it never happened. When you choose some manipulative broad over your friends don't expect your friendships to return to what they were.

Alfisti · 02-27-2019, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hawkeye

Seeing as we are financially better off then both my and her parents, along with them already working past retirement age so they can maybe be comfortable in retirement.... we decided to pay for everything ourselves.

I don't think parents paying is common like it used to be. The generation that are currently parents are much too selfish for that.

Nah, nah a booster, not parents. Guests give $150 per head, covers all your costs.

Joekerr · 02-27-2019, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alfisti

Nah, nah a booster, not parents. Guests give $150 per head, covers all your costs.

$150 per head????

I might have given that to my brother when he got married, but that's about it!

So, let me get this straight, because I know you are an Aussie (transplanted, but whatever).

In Australia, if you don't want to die, you have to avoid every animal.
Also in Australia, if you don't want to wind up in the poor house, you have to avoid all weddings.

Fun place that Australia. If you like having your head on a swivel.

Hawkeye · 02-27-2019, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alfisti

Nah, nah a booster, not parents. Guests give $150 per head, covers all your costs.

Yeah, asking guests to pay to attend your wedding would be view as scummy as hell around here. Generally you are inviting your guests to help you celebrate your marriage. Hell, I even had an open bar the entire night for mine and paid for cab service back to the hotel block we had. We only asked people to tip the driver is all.

Turkish Pickle · 02-27-2019, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Germanauto

ERROR 404: SO not found.

One of my buddies foolishly married some girl he had known for 8 months. He was 23 and knew nothing about the world. She tore him apart from friends and family and his dumb ass kept obliging. I was the only friend of his she didn't make him separate from. Every time I saw her she was in a bad mood and complaining. Dropped out of school when they got engaged, kept making up excuses not to work, etc. My friend finally wised up after 13 months and filed for Divorce.

We are grad students so he got out basically unscathed financially. He's 25, good looking, going to be making major bucks soon, will do just fine. But it's difficult to fully respect such a guy, he thought our crew would come back and it never happened. When you choose some manipulative broad over your friends don't expect your friendships to return to what they were.

oh boy do i have a story about this one...

bros before hoes should never be forgot over the "power" of pussy!!!!!

eluded · 02-27-2019, 11:21 PM

You are too young and you will shoot your eye out

AntF32 · 07-28-2019, 10:28 AM

Dated for 10 years before we decided to get married. The only reason we got married was to justify a four week holiday to Hawaii

Joe240 · 07-28-2019, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AntF32

Dated for 10 years before we decided to get married. The only reason we got married was to justify a four week holiday to Huawei

Didn’t know you could take a 4 week vacation to a Chinese electronics firm

AntF32 · 07-28-2019, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joe240

Didn’t know you could take a 4 week vacation to a Chinese electronics firm

LOL - I work at Huawei (5G Rollout) and mashed the keyboard incorrectly

vreihen16 · 07-28-2019, 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AntF32

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joe240

Didn’t know you could take a 4 week vacation to a Chinese electronics firm

LOL - I work at Huawei (5G Rollout) and mashed the keyboard incorrectly

So, I take it that you were on a working vacation?????

DETRoadster · 07-28-2019, 05:28 PM

Dated for 10 years. Been married for 10 years.

upstatedoc · 07-29-2019, 01:02 PM

what the hell

NEfan508 · 07-29-2019, 01:14 PM

Never married, she's been my girlfriend since I was 12, I'm 36 now

She's my secretary/business partner and wife, we laugh, fight-argue and love each other daily

With 3 kids, investment properties and a contracting company we are always busy/stressed but wouldn't have it any other way

Politics/Church and most habits are night & day but it's fine

She drinks I don't, I smoke she doesn't, she's religious I'm not, she's conservative #merica I'm liberal tree hugger'ish I love old classic hotels she thinks they are haunted (example St. Regis NYC)

View Poll Results: How long did you date before getting married?
under a year	12	9.76%
1-1.99 years	22	17.89%
2-2.99 years	16	13.01%
3-6 years	27	21.95%
over 6 years	17	13.82%
still not married	29	23.58%
Voters: 123. You may not vote on this poll

02-26-2019, 02:00 PM	#67
happyjack Captain 1657 Rep 922 Posts Drives: '21 F87 M2C 6MT Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: old line state iTrader: (0) Garage List 2015 MINI Hatch 5-door [0.00] 2021 BMW M2 Competi ... [9.67] 2023 BMW X5 xDrive40i [0.00] 2017 BMW X3 xDrive28i [0.00]	started dating on her 22nd birthday (and I was also 22) and we ended up married before i turned 23...about 10 months after we started dating. been married over 26 years, and while it's had ups and downs (far-and-away mostly ups), i wouldnt change a thing. that said, the world is very different now 26 years later. unless you are both settled into financially secure careers, then i would strongly recommend that you wait. financial pressures compounded by the likely introduction of kids is what kills most marriages. my wife and i waited 8 years to have kids. we traveled and partied and were 100% confident that we were ready for a family. marriage is likely the easy decision...but as others have said: once you introduce kids to the mix, then you're at a whole 'nother level. in this day and age: late-20s is probably the right time to really start considering marriage -- again, assuming you're both comfortable where you are financially / career-wise. seriously take this advice: IT'S NEVER TOO EARLY to start talking about money and financial goals. they will evolve over time, but if one of you has champagne tastes and you're on a natty light budget then you will NOT be happy. __________________ my garage: '23 G05 xDrive40i m-sport; '21 F87 M2C, 6MT; '17 F25 x-drive28i SAV; '15 F55 mini hatch 5-door retired: '87 E30 MT 'vert; '92 E36 sedan; '99 E36 MT 'vert; '06 E90 x-drive sedan; '07 E83 x-drive30 SAV; '09 E91 x-drive wagon; '12 E89 Z4 MT M-sport; '15 F22 sport line
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02-26-2019, 03:53 PM	#69
UncleWede Long Time Admirer, First Time Owner 17977 Rep 9,377 Posts Drives: G01 X3 M40i Dark Graphite Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Oxnard, CA iTrader: (0)	My mother passed away in February. Dad was married in July of that year. They met online
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02-26-2019, 03:56 PM	#70
sspade Major General 2465 Rep 5,457 Posts Drives: F30 Join Date: Oct 2017 Location: Stevenson, WA iTrader: (3) Garage List 2016 BMW 320i [7.87] 2014 BMW 328i [6.83]	Almost 10 years before we got married... then 2 years in, we got divorced Thankfully no children involved. My current relationship is on 2 years and we are headed in that direction. Hesitant to repeat past mistakes!
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02-26-2019, 04:35 PM	#71
GoneIn4Secs Banned 1287 Rep 1,675 Posts Drives: BSM F87 LCI (DCT) Join Date: Jun 2018 Location: GTA iTrader: (0)	Yea but a thread like this you gotts keep in mind society and lifestyle/cost of living was ALOT different in the 79s, 80s and 90s, even to the mid 00s Nowawdays its like the twilight zone out there, so just be glad you OP you are lucky enough to have found someone who wants to be with you
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02-27-2019, 08:25 AM	#72
Alfisti Brigadier General 6501 Rep 3,030 Posts Drives: 2008 Saab 9-3 Combi Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Toronto, Canada iTrader: (0)	All you uncultured fuckers, how does a wedding cost you a penny? You don't get a booster from the family or ya give toasters as wedding presents?
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02-27-2019, 09:05 AM	#74
AnOldBiker Jim 270 Rep 156 Posts Drives: 2019 X5 XDrive 40i Join Date: Sep 2018 Location: Land of Retirement iTrader: (0)	I've been married twice and paid for both. If we can't pay for our family from the beginning, we shouldn't get married. Our parents were only there to celebrate the moment of happiness with us, not financial support us. They are 'our parents', not our bankers.
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02-27-2019, 12:58 PM	#75
UncleWede Long Time Admirer, First Time Owner 17977 Rep 9,377 Posts Drives: G01 X3 M40i Dark Graphite Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Oxnard, CA iTrader: (0)	I covered my oldest's wedding, ~$550. Told the extremely competitive middle son "Fair is fair, here is your wedding allocation" He was pissed Then we went to Oregon for his wedding, and the day of he "forgot" his checkbook and couldn't give the caterer her deposit. As I'm "going thru the details of getting my credit card company to approve the remote payment" , his best man found his check book
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02-27-2019, 01:01 PM	#76
Germanauto Major General 9698 Rep 6,082 Posts Drives: Alfa Romeo Giulia, Rosso Join Date: Jul 2016 Location: LA iTrader: (0)	ERROR 404: SO not found. One of my buddies foolishly married some girl he had known for 8 months. He was 23 and knew nothing about the world. She tore him apart from friends and family and his dumb ass kept obliging. I was the only friend of his she didn't make him separate from. Every time I saw her she was in a bad mood and complaining. Dropped out of school when they got engaged, kept making up excuses not to work, etc. My friend finally wised up after 13 months and filed for Divorce. We are grad students so he got out basically unscathed financially. He's 25, good looking, going to be making major bucks soon, will do just fine. But it's difficult to fully respect such a guy, he thought our crew would come back and it never happened. When you choose some manipulative broad over your friends don't expect your friendships to return to what they were.
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02-27-2019, 11:21 PM	#81
eluded 2JZ-GTE 3029 Rep 3,991 Posts Drives: 340 6MT, 50e, others Join Date: Nov 2015 Location: Sofia iTrader: (0)	You are too young and you will shoot your eye out __________________ A man who views the world the same at 50 as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.
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07-28-2019, 10:28 AM	#82
AntF32 First Lieutenant 447 Rep 356 Posts Drives: G30 540i xDrive - Carbon Black Join Date: Aug 2018 Location: Hampshire (the first one) iTrader: (0)	Dated for 10 years before we decided to get married. The only reason we got married was to justify a four week holiday to Hawaii Last edited by AntF32; 07-28-2019 at 11:15 AM..
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07-28-2019, 05:28 PM	#86
DETRoadster Space Force - 4 Star General 11456 Rep 3,264 Posts Drives: M2 MG 6MT / Moto Guzzi V7 Join Date: Jul 2016 Location: Seattle iTrader: (1)	Dated for 10 years. Been married for 10 years.
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07-29-2019, 01:02 PM	#87
upstatedoc I'll get back to you 7559 Rep 2,132 Posts Drives: blue streak Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: not downstate iTrader: (2)	what the hell __________________ 2018 Stinger GT 2009 E90 N51 /Active Autowerke Stage 2 tune/BMW Performance Exhaust/ Countermeasure enthusiast.
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07-29-2019, 01:14 PM	#88
NEfan508 Lieutenant 2659 Rep 448 Posts Drives: 2019 M2C Join Date: Jan 2019 Location: Massachusetts iTrader: (0)	Never married, she's been my girlfriend since I was 12, I'm 36 now She's my secretary/business partner and wife, we laugh, fight-argue and love each other daily With 3 kids, investment properties and a contracting company we are always busy/stressed but wouldn't have it any other way Politics/Church and most habits are night & day but it's fine She drinks I don't, I smoke she doesn't, she's religious I'm not, she's conservative #merica I'm liberal tree hugger'ish I love old classic hotels she thinks they are haunted (example St. Regis NYC)
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