Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

[Tommy-G]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

Is anyone in this thread getting laid?

Once a weekend and I tell my wife I'm dying, she claims girls at her work get it like twice a year.
What is the norm b/c I feel deprived?

[4Hockey4]

Originally Posted by TommyG-inFlaNow

Once a weekend and I tell my wife I'm dying, she claims girls at her work get it like twice a year.
What is the norm b/c I feel deprived?

Twice a year ? wth. Twice a week min.

and I do date my wife, dinners flowers etc. so kinda.

[Buug959]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

Thanks man! I appreciate that. This is the exact thing we discussed last Friday night. Neither of us want marriage, we've both been burned...badly. We both agree that we could spend every second together for the rest of our lives without needing to be married. Personally I feel like the construct of marriage is a dated ideology that died in the 80's. The only reason to get married anymore is if A.) you are a young couple starting a family that "thinks" you'll be together forever....whippersnappers or B.) You're buying a house together. Which brings me to the legal end of things. Her children are still young, 10 years before the youngest vacates the home, so her moving in with me is unpractical, which is a shame as my home is paid off. Me moving into her home is out for me as her place is big and nice, but her ex-husband was a DIY-idiot and thought he was Bob Villa....he most certainly was not. I have no desire to spend all my free-time and money correcting his idiotic attempt at upscaling the home. We decided that when the time comes, we'll either sell both homes and buy or build new. This brings us full round to legal representation in the event that things go south after. I'm also very reluctant to sell my home, then go in debt with her to buy another. It's like finishing the race and starting over again based on an emotion. Difficult stuff for me to process and come to terms with.

I'm not one to gamble what I've worked my entire life for, in hopes that someone will continue to love me and keep my best interest at heart. Big risk here. Scares the shit out of me, but at the same time; she is damn good to me.

Just throwing an idea out here that you may not have thought of. Keep your house and rent it out... maybe keep both. That gives you the peace of mind that you aren't starting over if things go wrong and also gives you some added income from the rent. If you don't feel comfortable as a landlord then hire a property management company to take care of it. I'm not sure what they charge in TN but it's about 10% of the rent here.
I'm sure you have already found your place with regards to the children so that shouldn't be an issue that can't be worked out.
Both of you should sort out your own expectations with regards to what constitutes a fair split and then sit down and discuss your ideas with each other. Once you've got your list worked out then have your lawyer go over it, suggest changes, if any, and draw up a contract. That should alleviate a lot of your anxiety.

[19M5]

This is without a doubt the most comical and entertaining thread!!!!!

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by 16HC

This is without a doubt the most comical and entertaining thread!!!!!

well, let's hear your story

[Tambohamilton]

Originally Posted by TommyG-inFlaNow

Once a weekend and I tell my wife I'm dying, she claims girls at her work get it like twice a year.
What is the norm b/c I feel deprived?

Sex in my household seems to be strictly for reproductive purposes only, and even then grudgingly. Now we have a full quota of offspring, I'm fairly certain it's off the cards entirely. While I agree that once a week is meagre rations, you should also count a few blessings.

[Tommy-G]

Originally Posted by 4Hockey4

Twice a year ? wth. Twice a week min.

and I do date my wife, dinners flowers etc. so kinda.

We do too....but I'm def the instigator

Originally Posted by Lady Jane

There's an old saying:

In the first five years of marriage, you put a penny in a jar every time you make love. After five years, you take one penny out and chances are you will never empty the jar.

Two years ago I made a box with a slot in the top, everytime we had the relations I put in $20. On her birthday she got the box....she had a nice pot to spend on whatever but then when COVID hit, our fat asses just sat around and drank and such. Damn you Wuhan Market

[IllSic_Design]

I had been talking to a women from Facebook dating(lol right) for 4-5 days. She seemed like a cool chick, liked some of the same stuff, was pretty, had a job and owned a house(mobile home), thought she was open minded, only slight negative was she had a kid. But anyways we messaged for a few days and then I asked her if she was religious. She said somewhat, and that she believed in god. I told her I didn't, and am agnostic/atheist, and yeah I guess that was an issue for her, she hasn't messaged since after I asked her if that was an issue. Oh well, there's plenty more out there.

[Tommy-G]

Originally Posted by IllSic_Design

I had been talking to a women from Facebook dating(lol right) for 4-5 days. She seemed like a cool chick, liked some of the same stuff, was pretty, had a job and owned a house(mobile home), thought she was open minded, only slight negative was she had a kid. But anyways we messaged for a few days and then I asked her if she was religious. She said somewhat, and that she believed in god. I told her I didn't, and am agnostic/atheist, and yeah I guess that was an issue for her, she hasn't messaged since after I asked her if that was an issue. Oh well, there's plenty more out there.

FB dating wasnt a thing when I met my wife. Actually, FB was barely on my radar then....how does it compare to other sites? (Tinder, Match, etc) I have never even seen its platform

[IllSic_Design]

Originally Posted by TommyG-inFlaNow

FB dating wasnt a thing when I met my wife. Actually, FB was barely on my radar then....how does it compare to other sites? (Tinder, Match, etc) I have never even seen its platform

It's very new, maybe like 6 months old and it's only on the phone app's, can't access from the website.

It's actually not too bad, at first it was horrible with very low quality women on there lmao, but its actually gotten a lot better recently with some very decent women that show up for me.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Yeah, how would the kids work here - I'm confused. If they would move in with you, I see that as a source of strife, the moment they do something to the house you don't like. You are going to be the bad guy. Though its hard, I think maybe the clean slate in 10 years where it is just you both would be easier. But that would be pretty hard to wait perhaps. That's tough - but glad you guys seem to be doing really well again!

That's the issue. I wouldn't want my home being destroyed by kids or animals and yes, that would cause major issues in my eyes. I'm pretty anal about how clean my home is. It's two-fold. I keep my place impeccable because with a busy lifestyle, I don't have time to be unprepared or to have to look for things. Two, it's an aesthetic thing and it helps me be efficient. A clean slate in 10 years would be ideal, but that's a long damn wait. I really wish that her and her ex would have kids in their early 20's like everyone else did. Regardless, love her dearly and willing to work on things but also keep my senses about me in the meantime.

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

Is anyone in this thread getting laid?

Every day.

Originally Posted by TommyG-inFlaNow

Once a weekend and I tell my wife I'm dying, she claims girls at her work get it like twice a year.
What is the norm b/c I feel deprived?

Just my $.02, I may be way off here but....in my opinion women either generally just don't like sex or they haven't had it in a way that captures the mind and ensnares the senses. The trick is to mix things up. Make it different every time and leave them wanting more. Sexually, men are visual creatures and women are emotionally based. If the emotions aren't stirred and she feels unsatisfied, she isn't going to want more. Period.

I've always heard women say that men state that they like sex until they get with a woman that likes sex, then the men can't keep up. I've yet to find this to be the case, however; I can see this being the case in certain situations. I could see 2-3 times a week being healthy.

Originally Posted by 4Hockey4

Twice a year ? wth. Twice a week min.

and I do date my wife, dinners flowers etc. so kinda.

Good job man! This is so damn important, or so I feel. You have to continue to flirt with your lady. Buy the flowers, open the door for her, leave her love notes, etc. I find a direct correlation between women wanting sex and men that continue to chase after they have achieved the woman they want. Remember guys, just because you have her, doesn't mean you will keep her if you don't put in the work.

Originally Posted by LemansE90335xi

Just throwing an idea out here that you may not have thought of. Keep your house and rent it out... maybe keep both. That gives you the peace of mind that you aren't starting over if things go wrong and also gives you some added income from the rent. If you don't feel comfortable as a landlord then hire a property management company to take care of it. I'm not sure what they charge in TN but it's about 10% of the rent here.
I'm sure you have already found your place with regards to the children so that shouldn't be an issue that can't be worked out.
Both of you should sort out your own expectations with regards to what constitutes a fair split and then sit down and discuss your ideas with each other. Once you've got your list worked out then have your lawyer go over it, suggest changes, if any, and draw up a contract. That should alleviate a lot of your anxiety.

This is EXACTLY my thoughts on the entire situation. I did actually mention renting my place out. Everything you mentioned above is something that has either been discussed or that I've kicked around in this hollow melon of mine.

Originally Posted by 16HC

This is without a doubt the most comical and entertaining thread!!!!!

Thank you. This thing has spiraled out of control and has more ups and downs than a roller coaster. An enjoyable read nonetheless.

[cmyx6go]

I agree on keeping your current houses and renting them but don’t know whether that hampers your buying ability.

Have you thought about the shift in dynamics living with her and her kids beyond them destroying the house? Moving in together is one thing. Moving in with her and the kids is another. Ask me how I know.

I don’t mean to piss in your cornflakes but it’s a BIG change.

[4Hockey4]

Originally Posted by Lady Jane

There's an old saying:

In the first five years of marriage, you put a penny in a jar every time you make love. After five years, you take one penny out and chances are you will never empty the jar.

lol we would have blown that jar 10 times over again. Kids are older, more time back to ourselves...think we are 25 again

King 2 is avg, we have better weeks and meh ones lol Chase that shit like you never had it, it'll come around

Ok going to pop the red wine..cheers !

[rebekahb]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

It isn't a dating story, since I've been married for over a decade, but sharing a story to get things moving again:

My dog is pretty much perpetually scared of anything, he spends most of his time slinking around the house and hiding in closets. I don't know why, maybe we yell a lot as a family, not sure. Just a few days ago, I felt much like my dog, and the two of us spent a decent part of the evening together attempting to avoid my wife and the related tongue lashings I received on multiple occasions that night. He was trying to avoid her because he doesn't like anyone yelling, even if it isn't at him. I was trying to avoid her for much the same reasons, though said yelling was definitely directed my way.

I did deserve it though, and went to apologize after I felt she had cooled down a little. I had engaged a tax lawyer to look into a plan to get some money out of her corporation (that I had told her about and she knew about), but I didn't do enough to make sure to reign said lawyer in, in terms of his fees. And she wasn't aware of his hourly rate, I was, but neglected to pass along that little tidbit. So when his bill came in at just shy of $10K for not even enacting the plan, just telling us a plan (that we decided not to go with because it was too risky), I became persona non grata almost immediately.

Which was fair...I learned a good lesson that night, and I've got a different tax lawyer now going a different way, but his fees are capped and I have that in writing. And now I'm doing penance by taking on additional projects that I might not have otherwise done in order to add bill some clients to try to recover some of that money I spent on the first tax lawyer. But I'm sure my dear wife was again second guessing her decision to marry me in the first place that night.

Truthfully, I probably do a lot of things that causes her to revisit that decision on a fairly frequent basis. Its sort of a miracle I'm still married. She *says* she'd be lost without me, but I think she'd manage to find her way pretty quick!

Does she yell on a lot outside of the $10k mistake? Also, what exactly do you do on a frequent basis that makes it a miracle that you're still married? Just curious.

[rebekahb]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

I agree on keeping your current houses and renting them but don't know whether that hampers your buying ability.

Have you thought about the shift in dynamics living with her and her kids beyond them destroying the house? Moving in together is one thing. Moving in with her and the kids is another. Ask me how I know.

I don't mean to piss in your cornflakes but it's a BIG change.

I agree on the kids part so have a few further questions.

How old are the kids and what gender? How often do they visit their father? Do they have an amicable relationship to co-parent? Do the kids have a good relationship with their father? Do the kids like you?

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by rebekahb

Does she yell on a lot outside of the $10k mistake? Also, what exactly do you do on a frequent basis that makes it a miracle that you're still married? Just curious.

Not really, the past two years have been particularly stressful with covid and particularly the related shutdowns where school is closed and we both have our own corporations where we are trying to juggle a lot of balls, while one of us manages the kids, so definitely has been more fights over the past two years, but we both realize why. I'm to blame too, I'm just a wee bit stubborn, I blame my Scottish mother.

You may not know this about me, but I'm a blob of something different, and I've actually managed to successfully bury a lot of my shortcomings and mistakes deep into my subconscious....but I know they are there.

I'm honestly not sure, Lups can probably attest to certain things I've posted in my past history where she thinks its a miracle I'm still around, let alone married.

I'm not all bad though, but my wife is truly special. She's an amazing mother and wife, and also a surgeon, keeps the house running, makes a bunch of meals on Sunday and freezes them so we have homecooked meals through the week (and is a really good cook), pays bills, etc - a few nights a week she's up to midnight just doing admin stuff like the above, and the other nights we spend together watching shows and that. I just help out where I can.

[rebekahb]

@Joekerr thanks for sharing.
Things we think are buried never truly stay there. You can push them down but they fester and keep trying to bubble up.

Your wife sounds like she balances a load and you have a lot of respect for what she does.

[vreihen16]

Originally Posted by Lady Jane

There's an old saying:

In the first five years of marriage, you put a penny in a jar every time you make love. After five years, you take one penny out and chances are you will never empty the jar.

How's that working out in Canada with no pennies in circulation any more?????

[Lups]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Not really, the past two years have been particularly stressful with covid and particularly the related shutdowns where school is closed and we both have our own corporations where we are trying to juggle a lot of balls, while one of us manages the kids, so definitely has been more fights over the past two years, but we both realize why. I'm to blame too, I'm just a wee bit stubborn, I blame my Scottish mother.

You may not know this about me, but I'm a blob of something different, and I've actually managed to successfully bury a lot of my shortcomings and mistakes deep into my subconscious....but I know they are there.

I'm honestly not sure, Lups can probably attest to certain things I've posted in my past history where she thinks its a miracle I'm still around, let alone married.

I'm not all bad though, but my wife is truly special. She's an amazing mother and wife, and also a surgeon, keeps the house running, makes a bunch of meals on Sunday and freezes them so we have homecooked meals through the week (and is a really good cook), pays bills, etc - a few nights a week she's up to midnight just doing admin stuff like the above, and the other nights we spend together watching shows and that. I just help out where I can.

Now that you mention it, I do remember recommending certain blenders to her to use when she disposes your body...

Men are by nature so damn annoying where as us women are always perfect. Me especially. Never been stubborn, never been wrong, I've never fucked up...

If you need tops with the dog, I might have some. I have the next few weeks off cuz hubby bought a revenge dog (a dalmatian) cuz I put off buying a car for five years and I have a ton of extra energy cuz I haven't blown up or dug up any part of the house in a year thanks to covid and him and the kids being around all day long. I've naturally handled that too almost perfectly, there has been no huge rage fits or beating the poor bag I hung in the garage while blasting music for everyone to enjoy.

I'm also perfect with money, if you need tips on that. I just put my unused car fun to a pension plan which made the hubby extra happy because the estimations for it is only slightly less than what I've averaged to make profit over the years.

Oh, and let us not forget the flat I almost bought last week cuz I'm going nuts while looking at his bearded face all day, every day and I need power tools to survive this fucking virus.

Aaanyway... just let me know if you need tips on how to become even better at this marriage thing. I'm sure I can make the 10k lawyer fee feel like pennies in seconds.

[fiveohwblow]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

Is anyone in this thread getting laid?

Hell no

[Sedan_Clan]

Originally Posted by TommyG-inFlaNow

Once a weekend and I tell my wife I'm dying, she claims girls at her work get it like twice a year.
What is the norm b/c I feel deprived?

Statistically, the average married couple has sex 3-4 times a month. I would probably end up in divorce over so little sex. I'm just being honest. I know there's a lot more to sustaining a relationship, but needs are needs, and I'm very sexual when I'm involved. If a woman can't provide a very reasonable 3-4 times a week (...especially if we live together), it's not worth it for me because I will end up frustrated and cranky.

[dinonz]

Originally Posted by TommyG-inFlaNow

Once a weekend and I tell my wife I'm dying, she claims girls at her work get it like twice a year.
What is the norm b/c I feel deprived?

Did you ask to be introduced to those girls so you can up each others numbers?