Need advice from members who are fathers...

Scimitar335i · 12-30-2009, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaiman

Sure. But there is probably no easy solution that will work here. So the OP has a few options: ban the kid from his home until the problem goes away, try to stop it using some technique he learns from the interwebz or persuade the family to have the kid looked at by a professional.

Yea, I suggested to my GF that she should find a child psych. for him to talk to from the county. They have ones available in cases like this one. Its not only that he craps his pants all the time he also grabs his crotch in front of my while sticking out his tongue or he will make snide remarks at me when my girl isn't looking. Needless to say, if he was my kid or related to me, I would have whooped that ass...

But he's not my kid (thank goodness) and one of the posters were right... he is banned from my place until he stops crapping his pants. His mother is the one that needs to step up and handle this problem...

ronn16E90 · 01-02-2010, 05:09 PM

Yea I say bring him to a doctor and talk to the mom to take responsibility

graider · 01-03-2010, 06:09 PM

i'm a father of 2 myself but I don't think this is something we can handle ourselves. get this kid some help asap.

Salespunk · 01-03-2010, 11:43 PM

This kid needs serious professional help. Diapers are not going to solve this problem.

DBFIU · 01-03-2010, 11:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scimitar335i

Yea, I suggested to my GF that she should find a child psych. for him to talk to from the county. They have ones available in cases like this one. Its not only that he craps his pants all the time he also grabs his crotch in front of my while sticking out his tongue or he will make snide remarks at me when my girl isn't looking. Needless to say, if he was my kid or related to me, I would have whooped that ass...

But he's not my kid (thank goodness) and one of the posters were right... he is banned from my place until he stops crapping his pants. His mother is the one that needs to step up and handle this problem...

If the kid doesnt get help now, he will grow up as a deranged adult.

SoCali E36 · 01-04-2010, 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bmwdinamo

my little cousin is 2 (but very smart, like talks in complete sentences, very advanced for his age) ,,, so when he doesn't listen to his mom i tell him hes not going to grow up and be a "big boy" like me... then he says "i wanna be a big boy" and i tell him he needs to listen to his mom so he can grow up and be a good boy and if he doesn't listen i tell him hes going to stay the same size.... so he always ends up listening to his mom

LOL

spectrumphoto · 01-04-2010, 02:48 AM

As a father myself I think it is really F*cked up what some people are posting here by cracking jokes and making obscene comments.

Seriously, the OP is concerned about a child and at least he has the balls enough to ask for advice on a child that is not even his and there are people here making lite of it.

To the OP, you are not his father or even a relative so honestly it is not something that should be your obligation or "need" to try to fix. The best thing you can do as a concerned human being is press for that child to get some psychiatric help. It sounds like in his short life he has had to go through some EXTREMELY traumatic events that only a qualified professional can address. If you or his aunt (your GF) are feeling that his mother is not addressing this issue to teh best of their ability, then it is time to contact DCFS, not as a punishment to his mother but as to get help to him.

DBFIU · 01-06-2010, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mk335i

I would NEVER try to discipline a child that isn't mine, without the permission from the parents first, totally over the line in my opinion.

That is hard to do in this case, because

1. The kid is costing the OP property damage
2. The kid's mother is in a relationship with the OP

Something has to be done by the OP to prevent 1. and stay in 2. (not that kind of 2)

Kroy · 01-06-2010, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spectrumphoto

As a father myself I think it is really F*cked up what some people are posting here by cracking jokes and making obscene comments.

Seriously, the OP is concerned about a child and at least he has the balls enough to ask for advice on a child that is not even his and there are people here making lite of it.

To the OP, you are not his father or even a relative so honestly it is not something that should be your obligation or "need" to try to fix. The best thing you can do as a concerned human being is press for that child to get some psychiatric help. It sounds like in his short life he has had to go through some EXTREMELY traumatic events that only a qualified professional can address. If you or his aunt (your GF) are feeling that his mother is not addressing this issue to teh best of their ability, then it is time to contact DCFS, not as a punishment to his mother but as to get help to him.

Still... that's just asking for trouble. I hate butting into other people's business and they hate it too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DBFIU

That is hard to do in this case, because

1. The kid is costing the OP property damage
2. The kid's mother is in a relationship with the OP

Something has to be done by the OP to prevent 1. and stay in 2. (not that kind of 2)

Kid's mother's sister. So the kid's aunt.

Maestro · 01-06-2010, 01:47 PM

As much as it is funny to think up ways to try and correct this kids, you already got some good advise.

The best is, it is not your kid so do not discipline or touch him, in this day and age it may not go well for you.

The second piece of advise that was good, you have no idea what this kids issue really is and he needs to see a professional. There could be any number of things going on or reasons for this behavior.

Third, if the parent has no real interest in helping the kid then maybe someone needs to intervene on the kids behalf, and it should not be you or your GF. Most times if the school is made aware of an issue with a kid they are required to step in and help, depending in the school they may know exactly what to do.

I know people just want to help, and maybe that is your GF and yours intent, however, there could be a side of this you may not want to be in the middle of especially when it comes to someone's kid.

I have two kids both in their teens, and they are overall good kids, and what worked for one did not always work for the other. Also, it amazing how something which you would not think was a big deal or issue a kid could see or perceive as a major life affecting issue.

Bmoney2K4 · 01-06-2010, 01:53 PM

I agree that this is a complex psychological problem. I think the child needs proper attention and nurturing. After those needs are met, then you could fully evaluate the problem.

Scimitar335i · 01-07-2010, 08:36 AM

Thanks for all the great advice guys and right now I am glad all 3 of them are out of my place. 3 of them total are rowdy but the middle one that shits his pants all the time is the one that bugs me the most. He makes snide comments at me, grabs his crotch in front of me, and from what I heard when he was passed on to his other aunt he was grabbing the youngest one's ass. This little kid is dirty and definitley has issues that needs some professional intervention.

UPDATE: The day after my GF took them back to her cousin's house I had my buddy over for NYE and he told me that my LCD TV had scratches on it. I was like WTF?!?! ran over and found gouges all over the face of my TV. The ONLY kid that was left unsupervised was that middle one and he was in the living room by himself while the other two were watching me play a video game in my bedroom.

His ass is definitley banned fromt he pad now...

Yes, he is not my kid and in all honesty I shouldn't give a crap but I do. Being in law enforcement I see kids who grow up in shitty enviroments and turn out to be criminals. Though young he lives close to a heavy gang environment and he's the typical person they are looking for:
1) issues at home
2) no father figure
3) mother works all the time and doesn't really spend time with them
4) trouble in school
etc etc..

01-02-2010, 05:09 PM	#24
ronn16E90 Major 130 Rep 1,291 Posts Drives: E90 N52 & E92 m3 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Auburn iTrader: (5) Garage List 2009 E92 M3 [0.00] 2006 325i [9.00]	Yea I say bring him to a doctor and talk to the mom to take responsibility __________________
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01-03-2010, 06:09 PM	#25
graider Colonel 35 Rep 2,406 Posts Drives: py/kiwi e46 m3 Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: toronto iTrader: (0)	i'm a father of 2 myself but I don't think this is something we can handle ourselves. get this kid some help asap.
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01-03-2010, 11:43 PM	#26
Salespunk Lieutenant Colonel 1753 Rep 1,703 Posts Drives: Slow Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: SlowCal iTrader: (0)	This kid needs serious professional help. Diapers are not going to solve this problem.
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01-04-2010, 02:48 AM	#29
spectrumphoto Just another peanut in the Turd! 92 Rep 598 Posts Drives: g16M850;f30M550;f80M3-ED;e90M3 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Hollywierd, SoCal iTrader: (2)	As a father myself I think it is really F*cked up what some people are posting here by cracking jokes and making obscene comments. Seriously, the OP is concerned about a child and at least he has the balls enough to ask for advice on a child that is not even his and there are people here making lite of it. To the OP, you are not his father or even a relative so honestly it is not something that should be your obligation or "need" to try to fix. The best thing you can do as a concerned human being is press for that child to get some psychiatric help. It sounds like in his short life he has had to go through some EXTREMELY traumatic events that only a qualified professional can address. If you or his aunt (your GF) are feeling that his mother is not addressing this issue to teh best of their ability, then it is time to contact DCFS, not as a punishment to his mother but as to get help to him.
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01-06-2010, 01:47 PM	#32
Maestro Major 1038 Rep 1,268 Posts Drives: 2007 335i Sedan, 2021 X3 Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Philadelphia iTrader: (0)	As much as it is funny to think up ways to try and correct this kids, you already got some good advise. The best is, it is not your kid so do not discipline or touch him, in this day and age it may not go well for you. The second piece of advise that was good, you have no idea what this kids issue really is and he needs to see a professional. There could be any number of things going on or reasons for this behavior. Third, if the parent has no real interest in helping the kid then maybe someone needs to intervene on the kids behalf, and it should not be you or your GF. Most times if the school is made aware of an issue with a kid they are required to step in and help, depending in the school they may know exactly what to do. I know people just want to help, and maybe that is your GF and yours intent, however, there could be a side of this you may not want to be in the middle of especially when it comes to someone's kid. I have two kids both in their teens, and they are overall good kids, and what worked for one did not always work for the other. Also, it amazing how something which you would not think was a big deal or issue a kid could see or perceive as a major life affecting issue. Last edited by Maestro; 01-06-2010 at 04:19 PM..
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01-06-2010, 01:53 PM	#33
Bmoney2K4 Captain 185 Rep 885 Posts Drives: 2016 535i Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Los Angeles, California iTrader: (0)	I agree that this is a complex psychological problem. I think the child needs proper attention and nurturing. After those needs are met, then you could fully evaluate the problem.
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01-07-2010, 08:36 AM	#34
Scimitar335i Major 203 Rep 1,313 Posts Drives: 2007 335i Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Bay Area iTrader: (12)	Thanks for all the great advice guys and right now I am glad all 3 of them are out of my place. 3 of them total are rowdy but the middle one that shits his pants all the time is the one that bugs me the most. He makes snide comments at me, grabs his crotch in front of me, and from what I heard when he was passed on to his other aunt he was grabbing the youngest one's ass. This little kid is dirty and definitley has issues that needs some professional intervention. UPDATE: The day after my GF took them back to her cousin's house I had my buddy over for NYE and he told me that my LCD TV had scratches on it. I was like WTF?!?! ran over and found gouges all over the face of my TV. The ONLY kid that was left unsupervised was that middle one and he was in the living room by himself while the other two were watching me play a video game in my bedroom. His ass is definitley banned fromt he pad now... Yes, he is not my kid and in all honesty I shouldn't give a crap but I do. Being in law enforcement I see kids who grow up in shitty enviroments and turn out to be criminals. Though young he lives close to a heavy gang environment and he's the typical person they are looking for: 1) issues at home 2) no father figure 3) mother works all the time and doesn't really spend time with them 4) trouble in school etc etc.. __________________ 2007 TiAg e90 335i sport. Yes, The e90 "Mustache" is cool!
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