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      09-23-2016, 04:19 PM   #1
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Conference Call Goofs

As requested.

Share the biggest conference/video call goofs that you've seen/heard.
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      09-23-2016, 04:34 PM   #2
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I said "i'll tug on it a bit and get back to you" once. I really dont know why i said it, and i cant remember the context, but everyone in the room was hysterical...

yeah my coworkers still bring that one up
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      09-23-2016, 04:53 PM   #3
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Thought I hit the mute button before ripping a huge fart.

Thought wrong.
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      09-23-2016, 06:10 PM   #4
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I've got a story, but not wasn't a conference call. Will write it later.
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      09-23-2016, 06:53 PM   #5
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My first corporate job was when I was still in college. I worked in a team that was basically responsible for monitoring the web infrastructure of a fortune 100 company. We worked rotating shifts 24x7. This context is important because if something broke in a major way we were tasked with calling people to hop on and fix it. All of these engineers and business leaders would join a conference call. Now imagine a packed call at 3:00 am for an issue we had mutiple calls on for WEEKS. People were starting to get pissed.

On this particular call one guy on my team (Larry), who was a complete moron, was running the bridge call. It was around 3:00 am. Keep in mind this guy was so dumb I had to babysit him on just about every task he did. Everyone that faced off with our team could not stand the guy. So I call one of the business leaders to join the bridge line while Larry was managing the bride.

The guy joins and Larry gives him the current status of the troubleshooting. Then the guy says give me a second I need to discuss this with my team. Then silence for like two seconds. Then we all hear 'that guy is a f'ing jackass!!!'

The fallout from that was glorious to see unfold.

-----

Another one involves an email that went out to about 3,000 people. A manager was complaining about one of her directs to her manager. To top it off her last paragraph read Please do not share this feedback with anyone.'.

OMG that one was so awesome! I did not know the people but could you imagine!?

-----

The final one was a PM sent a huge update to all parties involved in a tier 1 project. She was wording everything to sound very critical and dire. I can't recall the context, but one of her sentences contained the word 'incontinence'. Instead of incompetence. Something like to the effect of: The team is comprised of incontinence engineers.

OMG that one did not die off for weeks. I felt bad for the PM she was really cool/nice.
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      09-23-2016, 08:29 PM   #6
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I was once on a conference call with an arbitrator and a union rep fighting over document disclosure or something. As I was hanging up (thinking everyone else had) I said something the effect of "f'ing a-hole" under my breath.

Couple of weeks later, appearing in front of that arbitrator on another matter, he pulls me aside and says "you really should make sure you hang up the phone before you call the other side an "f'ing a-hole""

Great, this guy who's hearing two cases of mine thinks I'm a jackass ... then he adds "although, have to admit he really was being an f'ing a-hole". Turned into a good laugh (and I won one of the cases and we settled the other).
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      09-23-2016, 11:37 PM   #7
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Mute button malfunction.
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      09-24-2016, 02:52 AM   #8
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So, everyone so often this reverend comes into my apartment building to say hi. About 6 months ago or so, he came in while I was in the lobby. Doorman and I were conversing with him about the church and religion and stuff.

There's this resident in the building who's a pretty successful attorney who's also funny as hell.

He walks into the building, see us talking with the reverend (whom he doesn't know) and proceeds to say the following.

"V, I've got some great news for you. The charges are going to be dropped. She was wearing make up, no way in hell could have you known she was only 12. Anyways, I just got this 99¢ pregnancy test, hope it works as well as the 99¢ condoms I got last night."

Reverend (as well as everyone in the lobby) is in shock. Doorman is trying to figure what just happened. I'm laughing my ass off.
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      09-24-2016, 03:22 AM   #9
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I was in a meeting about the new healthcare insurance provider. Was almost through the 6 month preexisting condition clause on previous provider. So I ask, "is my previous 6 months apply to this or am I boned?" All the body shop guy laugh. I get no answer. Meeting goes on and I ask again, "I just want to know if this is going to bone me or not?" No answer and meeting ends. The HR lady mutters, "I should have set up a separate meeting for the body shop." Go back to work and my boss calls me into the office. He was from NJ and I had just left BMWNA in NJ. He asks, "did you say BONED in the meeting?" Yup a couple of times. "Well I just got chewed out about it by HR. You can't say that here, this is the Midwest not NJ." Milwaukee, WI does not appreciate boned.
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      09-24-2016, 06:50 AM   #10
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I was on a conference call when I accidentally muttered F*ck when one of our fine DC driver's did a bone headed move in front of me. Realized I wasn't on mute but I don't think anyone heard or probably didn't care as they were too busy hearing themselves talk.

The other which I didn't witness myself but was told by a number of fellow coworkers. We some times have conference calls on Lync. Well, people forget that your web cam can be inadvertently turned on by yourself for all on the conference call to see. It's happened a couple of times on conference calls I've been on where I see someone's ugly mug. Well, the coworkers were talking about this one conference call where an individual didn't realize his web cam was active and while he was shucking bubba. I forget how if the coworkers said how long this was going for and when the guy realized he was displaying his activities to several hundred people. But the coworkers said the guy immediately resigned the next day.
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      09-24-2016, 08:01 AM   #11
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I have time for my first contribution.

I was taking a coworker back to the airport which was about 45 miles away. I decided to give her a treat and drive the M6. We had a conference call to take from the car, which is definitely sub-optimal in a car with a V-10 and Tubi X-Pipe and Rumore exhaust. I sincerely believed that if I kept it under 75 and in 7th gear it would be ok. I forgot that I was driving.

About 15 minutes into the call and 15 miles away from the airport, this arsehat driving a CLS AMG enters the the interstate and makes a beeline for the fast lane, cutting me off, and parks it at 65 despite me flashing my lights as he made his entrance. She was talking on the call when I dropped from 7th to 3rd, pulled alongside him, flipped him off then made a run to about 170 to make the point with the AMG driver who was futilely pursuing me. (All of this happened in Mexico, of course.) The entire time, my passenger was saying, "Oh $hit, oh $shit, oh $hit, oh $hit...

Once we exited hyperspace and she stopped hyperventilating I said, "It's not what you think...my hands were on the steering wheel the entire time." This broke up the call for about 5 minutes.

I did apologize about the unscheduled run and now she talks about it as if she was goading me to take the AMG out whenever someone asks her about it. Everyone left happy!
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      09-24-2016, 08:11 AM   #12
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My mute button malfunctioned while i was in the back seat with a girl getting serviced. Thankfully the music was on.
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      09-24-2016, 08:15 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fundguy1 View Post
My mute button malfunctioned while i was in the back seat with a girl getting serviced. Thankfully the music was on and I'm not a screamer or grunter.
FTFY
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      09-24-2016, 09:00 AM   #14
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100% true

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      09-24-2016, 10:08 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EALm4 View Post
100% true

This is a classic!
Thanks for putting it up!
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      09-24-2016, 11:54 AM   #16
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About 20 of us were in a conference room with one guy on the line who called in because he was driving out of town. He thought he was muted and we heard some scuffling on the phone, so the whole room got quiet and listened for him to speak up. The next thing we hear from him is, "STOP TEXTING YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER!"

The room erupts in laughter and the host points out he should probably mute his line. He's so worked up though he just starts ranting about how they weren't paying attention, got cut off, etc.
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      09-24-2016, 12:08 PM   #17
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I am on conference calls while the rest of y'all are sleeping. (You know, so that your porn stream doesn't get interrupted.) Snorers are a frequent occurrence. My co-conferencers also enjoy our cats, who have taken to loudly announcing their nocturnal comings and goings.
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      09-24-2016, 12:31 PM   #18
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once on a conference call with one colleague out east on the phone and a peer in the room with me. the phone had a really lousy mic so we had to have our faces right up to the phone to speak so that the guy on the other end could hear us.

i did my shpeel with the guy on the phone and then my peer went to have his turn with some really important stuff. As he got into the heart of his material i loaded up a serious 'cup'o'fart'... put my hand over the phone and let it out... since he was in the middle of his stuff he couldnt stop and had to 'engage' with my cup'o'fart to the maximum... and it was a good one.

i was doing one of those silent, nearly fatal, laughing fits in my chair watching him try and wave it out of his face (he had to keep his head right up to the phone, squarely in teh 'danger-zone) while also remaining in professional character while he finished his stuff.

remains epic to this day.

we ended up telling the guy on the other end later on... he was a colleague of ours too and had much appreciation for the act.
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      09-24-2016, 01:39 PM   #19
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Major conference call with VP of company and other bosses, of course my team in the room none of us who actually do the work liked what he was saying to us and while thinking we hit the mute button while he went on about how much we suck a co worker said what he really thought of him. We all laughed and agreed until VP responded back. Now we make sure the mute button is on 100%
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      09-24-2016, 01:41 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NY10 View Post
Major conference call with VP of company and other bosses, of course my team in the room none of us who actually do the work liked what he was saying to us and while thinking we hit the mute button while he went on about how much we suck a co worker said what he really thought of him. We all laughed and agreed until VP responded back. Now we make sure the mute button is on 100%
Any interesting repercussions that you'd care to share?
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      09-24-2016, 02:29 PM   #21
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We have a big investment team meeting each morning (about 45 people). If a portfolio manager is running late, sometimes they'll dial in from their car. One morning out of the clear blue sky we hear "WELL FUCKING MOVE OVER LADY!!! JESUS CHRIST!!!" over the speakers. One of the PMs forgot to mute his phone while driving in. Our CIO said "hello?" and we heard the beep of him hanging up. It was amazing.
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      09-24-2016, 02:47 PM   #22
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Company wide quarterly video conference. coworker calls in from home and forgets to mute when he decides to practice on his guitar.

Another call, this guys employer enabled the camera on his company owned laptop. He was fired after taking an audio call via laptop in his underwear from home instead of being in the office where he said he was.
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