New 2009 2010 BMW Z4 - ZPOST
BMW Garage BMW Meets Register Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read


Go Back   New 2009 2010 BMW Z4 - ZPOST > BIMMERPOST Universal Forums > Off-Topic Discussions Board

Post Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
      09-23-2016, 04:40 AM   #23
Naz24
Lieutenant Colonel
Naz24's Avatar
United_States
1628
Rep
1,727
Posts

Drives: W205 AMG C63 / E70 X5M
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: North/Central NJ

iTrader: (1)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups
Odds are not in my favor to win this but since I'm bored, I'll play.

In my defense, I want to say girls truly imagine men as complicated creatures until we learn the hard way. Which I did.

I was dating this man, about six years my senior when I was about 17. He was completely freaked out because of our age difference (and no, no laws against us) and I spent months trying to get into his pants. I was awesome! Tall, pretty, athletic and his mother hated my guts, what more can a man want?!

So at some point I decided to give up. Clearly he wasn't in to me (in so many ways!) even after we spent all our time together. Finally I decided we were just going to be friends who kissed and did other stuff and decided to move on.

His mother and my grandmother were friends (both of them horrible bitches btw) so I saw it fit to kill the relationship and his bitch of a mother with one stone. I told my grandma in the strictest confidence that he was gay, and I was just his beard. I told her never to tell anyone, so she saw it fit to announce it to all their friends in half an hour.

Every story needs a happy ending and I got mine! I really recommend angry sex to everyone.

Anyway, the reputation stuck with him for a long time with the garden party people and his mother still hates me more than words can say. I still can't regret it much.
This absolutely just made my morning.
__________________

2017 C63
2012 X5M
SOLD: 2015 M3; 2007 X3 M Sport; 2014 X3 M Sport 35i; 2004 X5 4.4i; 1994 325i
Appreciate 0
      09-23-2016, 05:24 AM   #24
Dang3r
Schmollbraten
Dang3r's Avatar
Germany
12503
Rep
1,985
Posts

Drives: M4CPC // HP4 Comp.
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Liandri Central Core

iTrader: (0)

In this case thats a "No", because into that car the shift knob was a drilled and threaded Billiard black 8
__________________
Citizen of ///M - Town, where too much is just right

Some say, that my scrotum has its own small gravity field and when Im slowing down that brake lights come on at my buttox
Appreciate 0
      09-23-2016, 05:54 AM   #25
Naz24
Lieutenant Colonel
Naz24's Avatar
United_States
1628
Rep
1,727
Posts

Drives: W205 AMG C63 / E70 X5M
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: North/Central NJ

iTrader: (1)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dang3r
Was into deepest winter time and we drove into the wilderness to get not disturbed. To heat up from inside a little drink was taken and what I didnt note: She was so exited, that she hadnt eaten enough before and so the alcohol droves her nearly instantly nuts. To keep it short:
Strike1: She tried to give head to the shifter...
Strike2: As she was trying to move over the center console to my seat and if I hadnt prevent that, she had surely plopped-on the shifter...
The rest is history
I'm done with the internet today :
Attached Images
 
__________________

2017 C63
2012 X5M
SOLD: 2015 M3; 2007 X3 M Sport; 2014 X3 M Sport 35i; 2004 X5 4.4i; 1994 325i
Appreciate 1
Dang3r12503.00
      09-23-2016, 06:32 AM   #26
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11820
Rep
15,400
Posts

Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Naz24 View Post
This absolutely just made my morning.
We dated for almost four years and I almost married him so clearly my technique was a winner.

But I truly hope my boys turn out to be gay. Women are horrible creatures.

__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
Appreciate 0
      09-23-2016, 06:49 AM   #27
Axius
Banned
Seychelles
4202
Rep
216
Posts

Drives: 612 Scaglietti
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Watch Me NayNay

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
We dated for almost four years and I almost married him so clearly my technique was a winner.

But I truly hope my boys turn out to be gay. Women are horrible creatures.

Womens are all just a form of succubus. Designed mostly for repopulating, sandwiches, laundry, gardening, and bitching about stuff.


Technique is only as acute as the recipient of.
Appreciate 1
jgoens3787.50
      09-23-2016, 07:11 AM   #28
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11820
Rep
15,400
Posts

Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Axius View Post
Womens are all just a form of succubus. Designed mostly for repopulating, sandwiches, laundry, gardening, and bitching about stuff.


Technique is only as acute as the recipient of.
You're horrible.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
Appreciate 0
      09-23-2016, 07:32 AM   #29
jaye944
Captain
No_Country
1005
Rep
638
Posts

Drives: a
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: a

iTrader: (0)

here is how it goes (you pay for)

1> cinema
2> concessions from cinema

= quick titty feel

1> drinks
2> Dinner

= def sex

(at home)
1> drinks = top notch cocktails
2> dinner = 3 course,soup starter, steak aged and /lobster/ heart shaped garlic mash, champagne, dessert (all home made0
table cloths, napkins
3> some candles, soft music
4> suitable chick film

= sex, BJ, 69, the full 9 yards + she makes breakfast

(last one for me NEVER fails)


sorry except when married



Quote:
Originally Posted by Naz24 View Post
Per popular request from the thread "The stupidest things we did for love..."

I need to come back and fill in my own story...
Appreciate 2
Naz241627.50
      09-23-2016, 07:32 AM   #30
F30lolz
I can haz cheezburger?
F30lolz's Avatar
6796
Rep
3,677
Posts

Drives: 14 Sahara/08 335xi/22 Maverick
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Miami, FL/Shelbyville, IN

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
I was awesome! Tall, pretty, athletic and his mother hated my guts, what more can a man want?!


Now that was phunnie
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by RaptorKTM View Post
Also our E90 330 and 325 will soon have some sort of boost. So there is actually more of a chance to get more hp out of a 330 then a 335 in my opinion
Appreciate 1
jaye9441005.00
      09-23-2016, 07:42 AM   #31
MKSixer
Lieutenant General
MKSixer's Avatar
34172
Rep
11,637
Posts

Drives: 2015 BMW i8, E63 M6, 328d
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Southeast United States

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
2016 M4 GTS (Allotted)  [0.00]
2013 BMW 328d  [0.00]
2007 BMW M6  [10.00]
2015 BMW i8  [10.00]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
Odds are not in my favor to win this but since I'm bored, I'll play.

In my defense, I want to say girls truly imagine men as complicated creatures until we learn the hard way. Which I did.

I was dating this man, about six years my senior when I was about 17. He was completely freaked out because of our age difference (and no, no laws against us) and I spent months trying to get into his pants. I was awesome! Tall, pretty, athletic and his mother hated my guts, what more can a man want?!

So at some point I decided to give up. Clearly he wasn't in to me (in so many ways!) even after we spent all our time together. Finally I decided we were just going to be friends who kissed and did other stuff and decided to move on.

His mother and my grandmother were friends (both of them horrible bitches btw) so I saw it fit to kill the relationship and his bitch of a mother with one stone. I told my grandma in the strictest confidence that he was gay, and I was just his beard. I told her never to tell anyone, so she saw it fit to announce it to all their friends in half an hour.

Every story needs a happy ending and I got mine! I really recommend angry sex to everyone.

Anyway, the reputation stuck with him for a long time with the garden party people and his mother still hates me more than words can say. I still can't regret it much.
I just spat out half my coffee!
__________________
Several actors have played James Bond, Sean Connery IS James Bond...
Sir 7ewis, 7X FIA Formula One World Championship, World Driving Champion. 100 Wins. 101 Pole Positions. 54 Fastest Laps. Actual Rain Master. Leave me to it, Bono. One Race Win in each of his 15 years in F1. Most Laps Led in Formula One. The Centurion.
Appreciate 0
      09-23-2016, 07:47 AM   #32
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11820
Rep
15,400
Posts

Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by F30lolz View Post


Now that was phunnie
okay, so I didn't own a mirror, or light bulbs. This is internet, everyone is beautiful here!

Quote:
Originally Posted by MKSixer View Post
I just spat out half my coffee!
I think we once talked about me being mildly horrible with relationships. Even this isn't the low point of my life.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
Appreciate 0
      09-23-2016, 07:52 AM   #33
MKSixer
Lieutenant General
MKSixer's Avatar
34172
Rep
11,637
Posts

Drives: 2015 BMW i8, E63 M6, 328d
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Southeast United States

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
2016 M4 GTS (Allotted)  [0.00]
2013 BMW 328d  [0.00]
2007 BMW M6  [10.00]
2015 BMW i8  [10.00]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
okay, so I didn't own a mirror, or light bulbs. This is internet, everyone is beautiful here!



I think we once talked about me being mildly horrible with relationships. Even this isn't the low point of my life.
Lol! I'm not that good, either. I just dated other people's girlfriends once or twice prior to getting married.

They were always happy to see me and never complained about anything and no strings attached. It was fantastic!!
__________________
Several actors have played James Bond, Sean Connery IS James Bond...
Sir 7ewis, 7X FIA Formula One World Championship, World Driving Champion. 100 Wins. 101 Pole Positions. 54 Fastest Laps. Actual Rain Master. Leave me to it, Bono. One Race Win in each of his 15 years in F1. Most Laps Led in Formula One. The Centurion.
Appreciate 0
      09-23-2016, 08:02 AM   #34
Dang3r
Schmollbraten
Dang3r's Avatar
Germany
12503
Rep
1,985
Posts

Drives: M4CPC // HP4 Comp.
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Liandri Central Core

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
okay, so I didn't own a mirror, or light bulbs. This is internet, everyone is beautiful here!
You bet, but stay away from civilization then, otherwise you'll find mirrors and bulbs and get scared for the rest of your life
__________________
Citizen of ///M - Town, where too much is just right

Some say, that my scrotum has its own small gravity field and when Im slowing down that brake lights come on at my buttox
Appreciate 1
Lups11819.50
      09-23-2016, 08:03 AM   #35
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11820
Rep
15,400
Posts

Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by MKSixer View Post
Lol! I'm not that good, either. I just dated other people's girlfriends once or twice prior to getting married.

They were always happy to see me and never complained about anything and no strings attached. It was fantastic!!
Oh god you're not making me feel any better.

I was told this week my friend's brother had a huge crush on me for ten years. It was apparently bad enough for him to mention me to my friend when they got drunk a few days before his wedding, you know, the man whining way of what iffs.

Nope, never saw that, and now I've spent a week blushing every time I remember having a big chat with him about me recruiting a fuck buddy, and never getting in to a relationship again!

At the time I thought he was soooooo nice to show up every time we had a sauna night and he was such a gentleman he made sure to bring me extra towels every time when I was drying off. And he insisted I come out with them (he was the older brother of my friend) every weekend!

Who could've seen that coming? I just thought he caught a flu or something when I started dating my future husband.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
Appreciate 1
MKSixer34171.50
      09-23-2016, 08:06 AM   #36
1MOREMOD
-
1MOREMOD's Avatar
United_States
11815
Rep
23,187
Posts

Drives: Race car->
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: check your mirrors

iTrader: (5)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Axius View Post
Womens are all just a form of succubus. Designed mostly for repopulating, sandwiches, laundry, gardening, and bitching about stuff.


Technique is only as acute as the recipient of.
Bravo good sir bravo
Appreciate 1
MKSixer34171.50
      09-23-2016, 08:18 AM   #37
F30lolz
I can haz cheezburger?
F30lolz's Avatar
6796
Rep
3,677
Posts

Drives: 14 Sahara/08 335xi/22 Maverick
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Miami, FL/Shelbyville, IN

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
okay, so I didn't own a mirror, or light bulbs. This is internet, everyone is beautiful here!
I have zero idea what you look like

This does not mean that you can PM me.

Thanks.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by RaptorKTM View Post
Also our E90 330 and 325 will soon have some sort of boost. So there is actually more of a chance to get more hp out of a 330 then a 335 in my opinion
Appreciate 0
      09-23-2016, 08:19 AM   #38
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11820
Rep
15,400
Posts

Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by F30lolz View Post
I have zero idea what you look like

This does not mean that you can PM me.

Thanks.
Damn, I'm always so eager to share my Cheetos shots!
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
Appreciate 0
      09-23-2016, 08:23 AM   #39
Dang3r
Schmollbraten
Dang3r's Avatar
Germany
12503
Rep
1,985
Posts

Drives: M4CPC // HP4 Comp.
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Liandri Central Core

iTrader: (0)

Sometimes its no disadvantage to let others guessing how good/bad you're looking. Keeps the imaging alive, no?
__________________
Citizen of ///M - Town, where too much is just right

Some say, that my scrotum has its own small gravity field and when Im slowing down that brake lights come on at my buttox
Appreciate 0
      09-23-2016, 08:25 AM   #40
Axius
Banned
Seychelles
4202
Rep
216
Posts

Drives: 612 Scaglietti
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Watch Me NayNay

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
You're horrible.
That's why we get along so well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1MOREMOD View Post
Bravo good sir bravo
I've learnt from the best.
Appreciate 1
MKSixer34171.50
      09-23-2016, 08:30 AM   #41
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11820
Rep
15,400
Posts

Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dang3r View Post
Sometimes its no disadvantage to let others guessing how good/bad you're looking. Keeps the imaging alive, no?
Lol, I have an ironclad image as a 48 year old man here, with mild metabolism issues. We've got sara and tara to look pretty here!
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
Appreciate 2
Naz241627.50
Dang3r12503.00
      09-23-2016, 08:31 AM   #42
Naz24
Lieutenant Colonel
Naz24's Avatar
United_States
1628
Rep
1,727
Posts

Drives: W205 AMG C63 / E70 X5M
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: North/Central NJ

iTrader: (1)

ok, i think its time i play. although this isnt really about me getting laid, its more about me getting rid of psycho lady.... Let's call her Cauliflower, because all she did was cook with cauliflower, I swear, she made mashed cauliflower, cauliflower roasted chicken, cauliflower dessert. it was all too much.


I dated this girl one summer, (she rode horses, do not date girls who ride horses, sorry Lups if you ride... ). Anyway, i was in college, she went to UMiami, i went to Cornell. I was very lukewarm on her anyway, so it didnt matter much that the end of the summer was approaching quickly and i had no plans to stay together (hell, who wants a 1,400 mile relationship with a girl who only eats cauliflower)

At the end of the summer, i decided to end it. Cauliflower did not like this. She did not get the hint, and began sending me care packages up to cornell (which i truly didn't mind); but what i did mind were the 25 calls/texts/snapchats/etc in a row. I had to finally get rid of Cauliflower.

Enter my best friend. He was ripped, sang opera, and a scratch golfer with a pretty nice trust fund. EVERY GIRLS DREAM! So one day, i let him answer the phone when cauliflower calls. They get to talking--two hours later he reappears. "hey, that girl is pretty nice, i bet she's good in bed, too". My evil plan was beginning to work!

a week later, my friend comes to me and says these exact words, "i hope you dont mind, but cauliflower bought me two tickets down to florida to visit her next weekend"

FUCK. YES. Such an easy out for me.

So my friend goes down to florida, visits cauliflower, comes back, realizes shes is bat shit crazy (she stole a pair of his jeans so he 'had to' go back and visit her again). Of course he never visited her again. But he did mention watching cops, while eating cauliflower, while cauliflower eats his....

So my friend and i both benefit immensely. I never had to talk to her again, and i successfully pawned my friend off to a psycho cauliflower nut
__________________

2017 C63
2012 X5M
SOLD: 2015 M3; 2007 X3 M Sport; 2014 X3 M Sport 35i; 2004 X5 4.4i; 1994 325i
Appreciate 1
      09-23-2016, 08:34 AM   #43
Axius
Banned
Seychelles
4202
Rep
216
Posts

Drives: 612 Scaglietti
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Watch Me NayNay

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by F30lolz View Post
I have zero idea what you look like

This does not mean that you can PM me.

Thanks.
You're missing out, breh. Especially the pic that went around of her huge ballsack. Epic.
Appreciate 1
MKSixer34171.50
      09-23-2016, 08:36 AM   #44
Joekerr
Banned
7926
Rep
1,923
Posts

Drives: 2017 Audi S6
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toronto, ON

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
Lol, I have an ironclad image as a 48 year old man here, with mild metabolism issues. We've got sara and tara to look pretty here!
Well then....

My condolences to Biorin and F87LUV - I guess you know where you stand in Lups' estimate.

Is it the facial hair that's turning you off Lupsie?
Appreciate 1
Biorin2784.50
Post Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:43 PM.




zpost
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
1Addicts.com, BIMMERPOST.com, E90Post.com, F30Post.com, M3Post.com, ZPost.com, 5Post.com, 6Post.com, 7Post.com, XBimmers.com logo and trademark are properties of BIMMERPOST