Arranged Marriages?

[grimlock]

So arranged marriages are responsible for this thread.. and a free marriage also resulted in this thread (and doubtless countless other ones in the future)

Asia engineers suck .. ah lets just get it all off our chest

[shah269]

Nah Asian engineers just have strange tastes in haircuts….of which I am VERY envious…since I lack the follicles for said haircuts!

It’s the guys from West Bombay who have yet to discover the power of Old Spice deodorant who make me want to drop kick kittens!
Not even the French guys can compete with the BO that comes from very OTB Indian / Pakistani engineering office! It’s like walking face first into a wall of deep fried curried feta cheese!

OK that offensive blab aside…..there are some funny things I’ve noticed about arranged marriages where the guy is Americanized and the woman…not so.
One of my friends did it…no clue why but he did….maybe it’s because he’s shy maybe because he lacks testicular mass. Never the less…he is fucked.
Why? His wife from Iran thinks all of the women she sees are hookers, drug addicts or want her husband…..
Case in point…we were at a restaurant in NYC having brunch at 9am…..when most normal folks are leaving night clubs.
Mary “Shah did you see that woman walking by she’s a hooker!”
Shah “No…she’s just leaving a night club..note the platform shoes.”
Mary “no she is a hooker drug addict I know these things.”
Shah “OK”
Mary “And the waitress…..drug addict.”
Shah “And how can you tell this from the woman just bringing me coffee?”
Mary “look at how she is dressed!”
Her husband by now is ready to kill himself…his wife thinks any woman they meet is just that…a drug addicted ho who wants her man.
Makes for funny conversations as long as it isn’t your life!
Oh and she doesn't not eat bacon and is angry at me for eating bacon...apparently me going to hell is a bad thing?

[grimlock]

Every woman is a hooker to a woman from the ME - that is except themselves when they put on their jeans and tight tops and listen to Beyonce
One of my super-shy dark Indian friends who went to the US got in an arranged marriage, and told me about it just matter-of-factly. But funny thing is, at 28 then I don't think he had even been in a relationship.. I asked him why he did it, he just kinda shrugged his shoulders.. well at least he will get some p**sy this way

[shah269]

You think he was a virgin at 28?
WOW!

But the culture of the US and the far and near easts are so...different....

[grimlock]

But this guy is on the extreme of the spectrum .. he was that shy

Just realized the culture difference west coast and east coast are different too.. east coast are brash (rude), arrogant .. west coast is chill and kinder

[kevinbahnz]

Originally Posted by shah269

Nah Asian engineers just have strange tastes in haircuts….of which I am VERY envious…since I lack the follicles for said haircuts!

It’s the guys from West Bombay who have yet to discover the power of Old Spice deodorant who make me want to drop kick kittens!
Not even the French guys can compete with the BO that comes from very OTB Indian / Pakistani engineering office! It’s like walking face first into a wall of deep fried curried feta cheese!

OK that offensive blab aside…..there are some funny things I’ve noticed about arranged marriages where the guy is Americanized and the woman…not so.
One of my friends did it…no clue why but he did….maybe it’s because he’s shy maybe because he lacks testicular mass. Never the less…he is fucked.
Why? His wife from Iran thinks all of the women she sees are hookers, drug addicts or want her husband…..
Case in point…we were at a restaurant in NYC having brunch at 9am…..when most normal folks are leaving night clubs.
Mary “Shah did you see that woman walking by she’s a hooker!”
Shah “No…she’s just leaving a night club..note the platform shoes.”
Mary “no she is a hooker drug addict I know these things.”
Shah “OK”
Mary “And the waitress…..drug addict.”
Shah “And how can you tell this from the woman just bringing me coffee?”
Mary “look at how she is dressed!”
Her husband by now is ready to kill himself…his wife thinks any woman they meet is just that…a drug addicted ho who wants her man.
Makes for funny conversations as long as it isn’t your life!
Oh and she doesn't not eat bacon and is angry at me for eating bacon...apparently me going to hell is a bad thing?

She may not be a hooker but she is definitely a stripper on drugs. Platform shoes, leaving the club at 9am and that mini skirt. Lolz.

[shah269]

Originally Posted by grimlock

But this guy is on the extreme of the spectrum .. he was that shy

Just realized the culture difference west coast and east coast are different too.. east coast are brash (rude), arrogant .. west coast is chill and kinder

yes sir! And north south as well!
North East we tend to be a little more you know....here we are here is how it is now lets have a good laugh.
West cost people are way more relaxed and tend to have a better view on life. Those from the South....they like country music...we won't talk about them

But yeah NYC, 9 am on a sunday...that's about when you walk out of a club.....looking like crap and feeling great!

That said it was funny every other woman "You see her...she's a hooker! Look at that hooker!" It was funny at first....but when she started pointing to the large women who work the MTA and saying "See she is on drugs and a hooker" it just got strange. But what do you want....sure the woman was educated and all but....Iran isn't the US.

So makes you wonder, and why I ask....how do these things work out?

[checkmate]

Originally Posted by MiddleAgedAl

Impressive to stay married that long, but I have to wonder, is it because the arranged marriage is better at bringing people together whose personalities happen to be above-average in compatibility, or is it because divorce is completely unacceptable in that culture, especially for that generation (guy must be well north of 60). If the kids turned out OK that suggests they dont hate each other, but still, that question begs to be asked..

Or maybe it's cause their parent's got it right the first time ?

My indian rents have been married for 30 years and they had an arranged marriage as well.

[grimlock]

Iranian women - I dunno, the only ones I have seen are on TV and they look like god/desses but is that because they figure only show the better ones since you'll never see the ugly ones
I've gotten to the stage i finally feel old - young girls on summer break now categorize me as 'old' I can see it the way they look at me, which means I'm closer to their parents than I am to them .. sigh, time is running out man!

[kevinbahnz]

Originally Posted by shah269

yes sir! And north south as well!
North East we tend to be a little more you know....here we are here is how it is now lets have a good laugh.
West cost people are way more relaxed and tend to have a better view on life. Those from the South....they like country music...we won't talk about them

But yeah NYC, 9 am on a sunday...that's about when you walk out of a club.....looking like crap and feeling great!

That said it was funny every other woman "You see her...she's a hooker! Look at that hooker!" It was funny at first....but when she started pointing to the large women who work the MTA and saying "See she is on drugs and a hooker" it just got strange. But what do you want....sure the woman was educated and all but....Iran isn't the US.

So makes you wonder, and why I ask....how do these things work out?

From the words of the queen of rock, WHats Love got to do with it. but seriously, it takes a special type of personality for it to work out. One that has been living by their parents direction their whole life,
she is the queen of rock right??

[shah269]

Originally Posted by grimlock

Iranian women - I dunno, the only ones I have seen are on TV and they look like god/desses but is that because they figure only show the better ones since you'll never see the ugly ones!

I don't know you but I like you.
So I'm going to let in on a secret....
1) All ugly women in Iran are shot! Remember the movie 300...where they were tossing ugly kids off the cliff? Well it's like that with Iran.

-Actually as i understand it has to do with the Iran Iraq war. My friend Mina says that there are 4 single women to every single free guy in the country. And she knows of a number of women who are married and know full well that their husband is sleeping around but there isn’t much they can do about it…supply Vs demand. I guess it’s like Russia where the number of eligible single stable employed men is rather low.

2) Persian women are dangerous. Because of this disparity of eligible men vs eligible women the women of Iran hunt men! And I’ve seen this…when a Persian girl sees a man she wants…holy shit she is going to hunt him and take him out like a lion taking out a fat guzzle. Poor guy wont’ know WTF hit him!

3) Persian women are dangerous. I’ve never seen an older looking Persian woman. However her husband looks 90 at the age of 30 because he’s working 4 jobs just to keep her happy?

I kid I kid I kid…nah I hear they are nice. Though I have never dated one for fear of my life….at the age of 36 I’m contemplating it.

[MiddleAgedAl]

Originally Posted by UMBC2015

Typically, a woman is seen as a stay-at-home mom, who rears offspring, and holds down the fort at home. So, you can see where contrasting personalities don't quite fit into the equation, and how its really a non-factor in a relationship.

Honestly, for someone who is supposed to fill the role of lifelong soul mate, I cant see where contrasting personalities is not a big problem.

It sounds so cold and clinical, almost like hiring a housekeeper/nanny instead of a spouse, and you want someone with certain credentials, with certain education, good references, etc. From the outside, it does appear that little consideration is given to what sort of a emotional fit they will be. At work, you just have to get along with a fellow employee, it's a totally different relationship than a spouse, where you hope to have a special "spark". Like I said, till death do you part is a long time for someone if you have no spark or soulmate type connection on a deeper level.

Obviously sometimes there is a spark, just like two people who happen to find themselves in adjacent desks at a job may end up becoming lifelong close friends, but certainly at work, I've noticed that seems to be the exception rather than the rule.

I guess it's hard to say for sure since divorce is so frowned upon (from what I gather), even if the 2 sets of parents got it wrong and the couple has little in common, they dont risk separation for fear of being shunned by their community, so they stick it out.

Divorce rates in the 1920's were much lower too in "western" cultures, but that's because women had no other options to support themselves (at least compared to today), so they stuck it out. When you have options (ie: the women is financially independant, and the culture is accepting of her leaving), that creates the only environment that reveals true compatibility or not.

[grimlock]

Originally Posted by shah269

I kid I kid I kid…nah I hear they are nice. Though I have never dated one for fear of my life….at the age of 36 I’m contemplating it.

Perhaps this is something you should do.. I mean why going looking around the globe when the answer may be at home..
Just have to figure out why they scare they shit out of you.

[RnmEvo9]

Originally Posted by grimlock

Iranian women - I dunno, the only ones I have seen are on TV and they look like god/desses but is that because they figure only show the better ones since you'll never see the ugly ones
I've gotten to the stage i finally feel old - young girls on summer break now categorize me as 'old' I can see it the way they look at me, which means I'm closer to their parents than I am to them .. sigh, time is running out man!

LOL how old are you?

[shah269]

Originally Posted by grimlock

Perhaps this is something you should do.. I mean why going looking around the globe when the answer may be at home..
Just have to figure out why they scare they shit out of you.

thinking about it........slowly

[bumere90]

I am Uzbek and we have the same arranged marriage thingy in our culture. I came to conclusion that after all, arranged marriage is not a bad thing. Even though I am against it lol All of my buddies who got married (arranged marriage) are living happy lives. On the other hand, my friends that married girls that they met in college, maybe 95% of them divorced within 2 years. You guys can criticize all you want but, where I come from this is completely normal.

[Maestro]

Originally Posted by bumere90

I am Uzbek and we have the same arranged marriage thingy in our culture. I came to conclusion that after all, arranged marriage is not a bad thing. Even though I am against it lol All of my buddies who got married (arranged marriage) are living happy lives. On the other hand, my friends that married girls that they met in college, maybe 95% of them divorced within 2 years. You guys can criticize all you want but, where I come from this is completely normal.

The difference is this, the women who were sold for an arrange marriage diary realize that they have no other choice and if they make the guys life miserable they will be dump them on the street and have nothing. The one in the US are in the same boat many times, but think they can always do better and would never be left on the street.

[sasha1015]

Originally Posted by shah269

Yes men can change....and we are easy to change.
You don't like how you man dresses? Go shopping for him and bingo presto in 30 the guy has gone from looking like a slob to a GQ model. Want him to smell good...same thing...want him to work out and get in shape.....if the gal joins the gym the guy is not that far behind. The same goes for eating well and hell even education.

You want your girl to get rid of those freaking granny panties and rock sexy unides....ha ha! Your kidding me right? Your wife/girl has the sex drive of a dead and decomposed nun…you want to get her libido going….and as a man you think you can do that…ha ha….better chance of meeting jesus! She’s uneducated and you really really want her to go off to university to make something of herself so that you and her will be in a better economic position….really have you tried stopping lava. Long story short and I hate to sound like a dick…but women make up their minds and that’s the way things go…..and if as a man you want to change her for the better…..either get a divorce and find one who already had those traits or just go find a mistress who wears only thongs and loved so cook for you in high heel shoes while asking you to taste test what she is making (FYI ladies, we men are very easy to please to keep).

That said for me personally arranged marriages have a very high ICK factor. My mom married my dumb fuck father via an arranged marriage. Needless to say he was a dumb fuck trust fund baby with no trust fund and it took her 13 years to smarten up and toss his ass to the curb. On the other it also pisses me off…I don’t know if you can tell or not but I don’t think too highly of engineers and scientists and I think even less of engineers or scientists who are from near asia and east asia. Maybe it’s the culture of showering with curry fresh soap and skipping out on the deodorant or the propensity to desire to be in total sausage fest parties and call it fun, Arab/Persian guys WTF is this shit all bout!?. But what I recall truly disliking about the arranged marriages was how one near asian guy put it to me….. “Why should I go out to bars and hang out with you guys or to hit on women? I’m just going to sit here and study really really hard and get my engineering degree and let my mom find me a wife when it’s the right time.”
1) That’s fucking lazy!
2) That’s fucking chicken shit!
3) Motherfucker you are throwing the fucking curve I need to keep my lazy mans 3.0 in engineering!
Now before I get all you fan boys panties in a twist I do have a point in my bigotry. If you never grow a set of balls and learn to deal with and accept failure of hitting on a woman and getting rejected, shot down, made fun of and turned into dog food in front of her friends…..what the fuck makes you think you will have the balls to stand and deliver your brilliant idea in front of a CEO of a major company? And what if said CEO or supervisor is a woman? And she rejects you…which she will 50% of the time!

And I really do appreciate all of your thoughts but well……I think in my opinion….dating, failing, falling in love, have your hear broken and all that messiness that is America makes us better people. For as we say in skydiving, “you are not judged on how you fall, rather on how you get back up.”
But maybe its just my very American centric view of the world of dating. But please please please don’t stop……I want to understand and I want to be less judgmental.

First of all... LMAOOOO
This is probably the best post i ever read in my life! Hahah

I guess i agree with u to a certain point. I do believe a guy should have balls to talk/flirt with girls/ find a wifey and just "be a man!"
But the reason why i feel like that is because its our culture and that is the norm. I obv dont live in the middle east so for me it would me mad weird if i came home one day and had some schmuck sitting in my living room saying "Hi my name is Bob and ill be your husband, our wedding is tomorrow"
But i feel like people whose culture is to have an arranged marriage think differently. Why... I have no idea... Probably bc its more of a norm there and thats all they see around them.

All in saying is that i have an open mind and if they want to have an arranged marriage and are happy about the whole idea then great!!! Congrats! I havent met too many ppl that had an arranged marriage and actually got divorced. Except of course my friends cousin who divorced her husband because he was terrible at sex... Thats the only time i didnt see it work.

P.s sorry about papa :/

[P-rex]

It's a common reality in western counties to fall on love with your mate and months or years later.... Fall out of love and divorce...

This is due to being infatuated with our partners and when that infatuation withers.... We look for something else that brings that spark back ....

Arrange marriage is more structured..... You meet the person... Like them.... Get engaged for a year... Get to know them and solidify through marriage....

I meet people who lived together for many years and when they get married... There is no excitement ... Nothing to explore and learn about each other

IMO - we can all learn to love... And that love grows in time...unlike when the sex is not good anymore... Time to move on

[bumere90]

^ Exactly
It's like an agreement with a devil lol
Regardless, as long as the woman respects you, everything will be fine. The day she starts treating you like shit, you know that it's time to find another one.

[shah269]

The funny thing i like to bring up regarding pre arranged marriages.
I was in what some would call an abusive relationship. I have a very active sex drive and my x wife had the sex drive of a dead and decomposing nun. I ballooned up from 175lb to about 130lbs. My cholesterol was through the roof and i was taking a hand full of pills a day. Since my divorce I've recovered, i'm down to 190 and working on getting back to 175.

That said.....sex is a super important part of any long term relationship. So the question is this....how will you match up sexually? I mean ok I go out and meet a nice girl...date 3 she comes over i made dinner and we make love...some women are great in bed and others are ho hum...and others well...we just don't match up. And well we tend to end it.

So the question is this....how the hell do your parents know what you are into sexually? Let alone what type of woman turns you on? We are human, we have mate choice...we have a "type".

And I don't get it? Why set your self up for a life of ho hum sex and stress that may kill you?

[MediaArtist]

Originally Posted by MiddleAgedAl

Impressive to stay married that long, but I have to wonder, is it because the arranged marriage is better at bringing people together whose personalities happen to be above-average in compatibility, or is it because divorce is completely unacceptable in that culture, especially for that generation (guy must be well north of 60). If the kids turned out OK that suggests they dont hate each other, but still, that question begs to be asked..

Well, they are Christians, so yes, I would say divorce is not looked upon as a good thing.

But beyond that, I do notice that they just fit with each other. She's an MD, very kind, almost subservient (or at least it seemed so during my dinners at their home). He's sort of an alpha male, finance guy, who has been working in the industry for decades. So just based on personalities, it seems like they are a good fit.

Sometimes these type-a personality women, fit, hot, with great careers think they want the same traits in a guy. They couldn't be more mistaken in terms of overall long term fit.