Joke of the year competition.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by NEFARIOUS

INB4 bitching about my posts being too long, here's a frickin' video that had me doubling over laughing. Hell, even people with the attention span of a goldfish can take a 2 minute video, right?

Lol. Jesus tomorrow I'll translate a longer one. Good stuff Nef, I laughed out loud even on the second time while translating the joke.

[doozyj]

What's the difference between BMWs and porcupines?








Porcupines have pricks on the outside.

Thank you and good night.✌

[SenorFunkyPants]

Everytime I log onto my laptop a tub of margarine flies in through my window and hits me right on the head. I think I am being storked over the internet.

[///M Power-Belgium]

Originally Posted by SenorFunkyPants

Everytime I log onto my laptop a tub of margarine flies in through my window and hits me right on the head. I think I am being storked over the internet.

Yeah , and more specifically here => http://www.m3post.com/forums/showthr...92838&page=133

[SenorFunkyPants]

Originally Posted by ///M Power-Belgium

Yeah , and more specifically here => http://www.m3post.com/forums/showthr...92838&page=133

I know its hilarious...I think I actually do have my own internet stalker...how cool is that.

[///M Power-Belgium]

Originally Posted by SenorFunkyPants

I know its hilarious...I think I actually do have my own internet stalker...how cool is that.

Pffff... you know, who cares my friend , when I type the word BF I've lots of them .

[SenorFunkyPants]

While I was at work today I phoned my wife from work.
I asked her if she ever gets a shooting pain across her body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you, and they're stabbing it?
"No?" she replied, sounding puzzled.
"How about now ...?"

[NEFARIOUS]

Here's one I made up while I was letting my mind wander while working on my car (the rear AC vents got stuck on blowing hot air) so I made this up... But I'm sure this kind of joke is coincidentally somewhere out there too.

Richard and Ruth has been together for 5 years, and she loves sex. So much, what started out as daily turned into three times a day, then 5 times, then 8. Since Jack can't keep up anymore, she sought other sources. Naturally, Richard was upset, dumped her the next morning, but wasn't tapered off after having 10 years of tons of sex, so he became desperate by the afternoon.

He saw a hooker and decided to kill her by stabbing her straight down while doing her doggy style. However, when he flipped her over, he discovered it was his own mom.

So how do we describe Richard?



Dick is a ruthless, backstabbing, motherfucking, son of a bitch.

[///M Power-Belgium]

Sound volume up please...

[SCHMOUPE]

Originally Posted by NEFARIOUS

Here's one I made up while I was letting my mind wander while working on my car (the rear AC vents got stuck on blowing hot air) so I made this up... But I'm sure this kind of joke is coincidentally somewhere out there too.

Richard and Ruth has been together for 5 years, and she loves sex. So much, what started out as daily turned into three times a day, then 5 times, then 8. Since Jack can't keep up anymore, she sought other sources. Naturally, Richard was upset, dumped her the next morning, but wasn't tapered off after having 10 years of tons of sex, so he became desperate by the afternoon.

He saw a hooker and decided to kill her by stabbing her straight down while doing her doggy style. However, when he flipped her over, he discovered it was his own mom.

So how do we describe Richard?



Dick is a ruthless, backstabbing, motherfucking, son of a bitch.

please seek counseling

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by SCHMOUPE

please seek counseling

I 2nd the motion.

[Lups]

Okay, attempting to translate an other. This isn't a joke, it's more of an educational story I've told my friends many times.

A water flea was swimming in circles around a water lily's leaf. He thought to himself he's going to do a few more laps to build his appetite, and then eat it.

A frog was watching the flea. He decided to wait until he flea had eaten the leaf, since then the flea would taste better.

A cat watched the two from the banks of the pond. He wanted to feast on the frog, but as a patient creature he too decided to wait until the frog had his meal, fleas are known for making frogs taste better.

Then became the time for action! The flea finished his laps, ate the leaf, the frog jumped on the flea and ate it. The cat took a huge leap toward the frog, missed, and ended up in to the bond.

What did we learn from this story?

The longer the foreplay, the wetter the pussy.


Thanks guys, I'll be here all night again since I have no life!

[NEFARIOUS]

Originally Posted by SCHMOUPE

please seek counseling

Eh... It was one of those things that sounded funnier in my head. Not to mention I do like the occasional piece of dark humor as it is.

[MrPrena]

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted a woman with a nice breasts he had ever seen. Her brest job took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "But in just a few years my father will die and I will inherit $690 million".

Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and a week later, she became his stepmother.

Gold digger 1: Idiot 0

[ASBSECU E93]

one of my favorite lines...OF ALL TIME

[grimlock]

^Have no idea what that was but it was pretty funny

[HXS]

How do you fix a broken dishwasher?

.
.
.
.
.

Smack her in the ass.

[SenorFunkyPants]

My attractive female neighbour is completely paranoid.
She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is.....purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

[MrPrena]

A young married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book. The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, gets up and starts stripping in front of him. The husband is confused and asks, "Why are you taking off your clothes?"
His wife replies, "You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay."
The husband says, "No, not at all."
His wife asks angrily, "Well, what the hell were you doing then?"
The husband says, "I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book."

[SenorFunkyPants]

I met this lovely girl last week...when she said she was looking for someone who is funny and spontaneous I thought we were made for each other. Yet when I tapped on her kitchen window late at night dressed as a clown shes all panicking and screaming!

[Bohica]

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?





Look for Fresh Prince

[Kwando]

Why does the Little Mermaid wear sea shells?












Because D shells are too big and B shells are too small.