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      12-15-2015, 09:49 AM   #1
F30lolz
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Helped out a family member, now he keeps a$king for more $$$

On Thanksgiving Day, I FB messaged many ppl Happy Thanksgiving and even a cousin I haven't seen in years, though lives only a few miles away. FWIW, he's a former minor league pitcher for the Brewers/White Sox during the 90's. Anyway, throughout the years I've heard he's been on down times, lost his job because of some heart surgery. Not sure why he didn't sue but whatevs. Fast forward to that message I sent him. He immediately sends me a book of how life sucks, his father stopped supporting him, this and that and blah blah blah and comes out asking me to give him $$$$. Giving me the song and dance that his son (he has him on the weekends) and him are low on food, he needs gas and some money to keep his internet or whatever on. I was in a good mood that day (probably a mistake) so I went straight to the supermarket at 11am Thanksgiving Day, spent $47 on a 'list' he gave me, went to his cramped apartment, THEN I gave him $60 cash and filled up his tank (07 FJ Cruiser, shockingly was only $28). So overall I gave him $135. I thought I did a great deed. However, I see he has stocked up in his apartment a boatload of sports memorabilia (he was always like this) but then I'm thinking to myself, why not sell all this, sell your paid off car for a cheaper set of wheels? Excuses after excuses, tells me that selling his sports stuff would only give him 25% of what they're worth, he loves his FJ Cruiser and whatever. After I left I was kind of pissed, though it was good to see him and his son (8 years old) but his priorities aren't straight.

Weeks have passed and at least twice a week he'll text me saying he needs food, ink, his internet bill paid and I have ignored it. Finally yesterday he text another book saying he still needs those things paid. As calm as I was I texted back saying I helped you out that day, I cannot support you and seek social services for help/temporary assistance. His reply, "Thanks Cuz" and I just let it be.

Cliffs - gave my cousin $135 worth of food, money, gas and keeps asking for more help.
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Also our E90 330 and 325 will soon have some sort of boost. So there is actually more of a chance to get more hp out of a 330 then a 335 in my opinion
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      12-15-2015, 09:53 AM   #2
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This is why I never give anyone money.

Talk about giving an inch and taking a mile. Sorry about the troubles with your cousin OP.

Could try telling him, if you want to help him, how to budget his money. Don't really "need" the internet if you're struggling to get bills paid.
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      12-15-2015, 09:59 AM   #3
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you did right first time, which i would've done the same. Not 2nd time and asking to pay his bills is bit too much. when you need a hand you dont demand, you take whats given to you.
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      12-15-2015, 10:04 AM   #4
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You've done your good deed and he totally prayed on your connection as family.

If his own father has cut him off, there is probably a good reason. I would say to him if you want further help sell off your FJ, sports stuff and cut off your internet.

Those things are not necessities. The money from taking public transport, no internet, selling the sports stuff should keep him going until he can improve his situation.

He sounds like a mouch and every family has one.
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      12-15-2015, 10:04 AM   #5
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Car is a necessity in most areas so he should hold on to that but he sure as hell can sell the sports memorabilia.
The internet is NOT a necessity. I mean he's home all day so he's probably kicking back and playing Call of Duty or spanking off to porn, while you pay for it. Dudes priories are totally fucked up and he's playing up the woe is me card. I'm sure at this point he can get back to work so question is??? Is he actually looking for work. You did a great deed in my book and it is obviously that he is ungrateful.
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      12-15-2015, 10:17 AM   #6
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Offer to hold onto his memorabilia until he can pay back the "loan" then sell it the next day?
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      12-15-2015, 10:17 AM   #7
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I just looked up the value of his car and its a whopping $12K private party value. Sell that and buy a older/reliable Honda Civic at least and have $7k left over. His mom who lives in Tampa pays for his rent at a lousy $585 per month. CANGRKE70, I now know the reason why he was cut off as he just kept smooching his pops. He probably used his heart surgery as an excuse to not work, who knows.
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Also our E90 330 and 325 will soon have some sort of boost. So there is actually more of a chance to get more hp out of a 330 then a 335 in my opinion
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      12-15-2015, 10:18 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by UncleWede View Post
Offer to hold onto his memorabilia until he can pay back the "loan" then sell it the next day?
I told him he could keep it and this is the reason why he is harping me. I am too nice
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Also our E90 330 and 325 will soon have some sort of boost. So there is actually more of a chance to get more hp out of a 330 then a 335 in my opinion
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      12-15-2015, 10:22 AM   #9
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Never ever ever ever ever give anyone money!

You'll either;
A. Never get it back
B. Asked for more
C. Never get it back
D. Asked for more


There are ways to come into money if his case is as bad as it is. I've done it on my own, stop giving people handouts and make them work for their own damn selves. Fuck.
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      12-15-2015, 10:32 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Axius View Post
Never ever ever ever ever give anyone money!

You'll either;
A. Never get it back
B. Asked for more
C. Never get it back
D. Asked for more


There are ways to come into money if his case is as bad as it is. I've done it on my own, stop giving people handouts and make them work for their own damn selves. Fuck.
If someone is broke they will usually stay broke so your chance of ever getting paid back is slim to none because they obviously cannot manage their finances. If they are broke and unemployed then you better believe that you will never get paid back..
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      12-15-2015, 10:39 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
If someone is broke they will usually stay broke so your chance of ever getting paid back is slim to none because they obviously cannot manage their finances. If they are broke and unemployed then you better believe that you will never get paid back..
+1

You did right on the first occasion. That's the one you go into knowing that you're going to write it off.

Anything beyond that is enabling. Don't ever enable. Losers are losers, and that won't change (no offense).
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      12-15-2015, 10:58 AM   #12
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You did right the first time. $135 to help out a family member isnt bad.
Maybe help him sell the sports memorabilia but dont lend him any more cash.
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      12-15-2015, 11:05 AM   #13
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Some people do have their priorities fucked up. My friend's sister wound up moving back home with their parents for a while because her and her husband went broke. They lived in NC and cost of living there is way cheaper then NJ but some how they managed to go broke. She is a flight attendant, with a degree in art, which is pretty much toilet paper. Not sure what his occupation was but while he they stayed in NJ it was being unemployed and playing video games. We went out with the guy a few times and my buddy would cover him given their situation but then things got hilarious because 3 weeks into living at his in-laws the dude buys himself a top of the line gaming laptop. Laptop over $2k, COD kills 1000, jobs found 0; having someone cover all your living expenses while you entertain yourself all day, priceless.
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      12-15-2015, 11:11 AM   #14
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My dad let my uncle borrow 8k telling him he's going to want it back at some point. 15 years later nothing and they haven't spoke since. Money whether having it or the lack of always ruins things.
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      12-15-2015, 11:13 AM   #15
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Between working the auto repair shop and the CNC shop, there was an 8 month period where I had nothing. Got wrapped up in some bad things, couldn't pay rent and stuff, got behind on bills, etc. Ended up having to sell everything I owned, when I realized that money would disappear fast to feed a habit, things changed when you're trying to find a place to stay warm with 3 feet of snow on the ground. Could have gone to family and got a handout, but somethings are better doing for yourself. My resume wasn't the best, but I had enough work under me to where the CNC shop called me about sweeping and cleaning. Busted my ass there, and ended up being one of the top paid employees before I left.

From what was sold, there was enough money to basically keep myself fed. Didn't do much when it all unfolded at first, because you know, emotions set in, but if you don't want to live life like that, you don't have to. There are options, and you might start at the bottom, but that just means you took the first step to make it to the top.
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      12-15-2015, 11:49 AM   #16
F30lolz
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Axius, at least you were able to get back on your own feet. My cousin won't consider selling his car for something cheaper and profiting the rest to pay for his own rent, food, toilet paper (he literally told me he was running low on this). As long as his mom pays for the rent, he'll keep asking me and possibly others for handouts. He probably took offense to my last text but hey, I did my part. Now he has to walk the right path.
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Also our E90 330 and 325 will soon have some sort of boost. So there is actually more of a chance to get more hp out of a 330 then a 335 in my opinion
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      12-15-2015, 11:55 AM   #17
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He shouldn't expect others to help him, if he can't help himself. The only way he'll get out of the rut is if he tells himself and will and does something about it.


Until then, however, if other people feel the need to feed his selfish greed, then so be it. You learned from it, maybe one day he will.
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      12-15-2015, 12:12 PM   #18
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Wow. If I ever need money, it's bye bye mods, and if that's not enough, bye bye cars.
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      12-15-2015, 12:16 PM   #19
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I would say the internet connection is actually a necessity assuming he is using it to search for a job or potentially post his sports memorabilia for sale. If not, then yeah, it is an added expense to cut.
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      12-15-2015, 12:19 PM   #20
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Or you could switch to the cheapest internet plan.
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      12-15-2015, 01:20 PM   #21
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Quote:
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I would say the internet connection is actually a necessity assuming he is using it to search for a job or potentially post his sports memorabilia for sale. If not, then yeah, it is an added expense to cut.
Depends on how close he lives to a library. You can get free internet while you try to get yourself back up on your feet.

Or just get really shitty, slow internet.
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      12-15-2015, 01:24 PM   #22
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Can we get a list of his sports memorabilia?? I will offer him 30%... that's 10% more than he is expecting !!
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