|
|
04-08-2022, 08:22 AM | #89 |
Enlisted Member
35068
Rep 45
Posts |
Just as the graveyard service finished, there's was a lightning bolt and a tremendous rumbling thunder. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said.
Well, she's there already, and it's his problem now. |
Appreciate
7
|
04-08-2022, 02:21 PM | #90 |
Enlisted Member
35068
Rep 45
Posts |
A burgular breaks into this house and he starts looking around for money and jewelry downstairs, then he goes upstairs and into a bedroom and sees a couple in bed. He ties up the husband to a chair and the wife to the bed. He then starts kissing her on the neck. He stops and goes into the bathroom. The husband whisper to the wife. Honey be brave, this man is obviously dangerous, he must want to do things to you the way he was kissing your neck. just do whatever he says or else he might kills us, whatever happens just remember that I love you.
The wife whispers back to the husband. Honey he's wasn't kissing my neck, he was whispering in my ear. He actually thinks that you're cute and he's was asking where do we keep the Vaseline. I told him it was the bathroom, so honey be brave, remember that I love you too. |
Appreciate
5
|
04-08-2022, 04:11 PM | #91 |
Colonel
10710
Rep 2,011
Posts |
A retiring obstetrician takes the bag of foreskins he collected during his career to a taxidermist. The taxidermist looks at the thousands of dried up bits of skin and then looks quizzically at the obstetrician -- who says "I don't know, just make something nice with them."
A couple months later, the taxidermist calls to say that the souvenir of the obstetrician's career is ready. When the OB gets there, the taxidermist hands him a wallet! It is beautifully made, with thousands of tiny stitches, but it's disappointingly small. OB: What? I gave you thousands of foreskins! That's it? The taxidermist grins and says "When you rub it, it turns into a suitcase!"
__________________
2014 BMW M235i
2024 Mercedes Benz GLC300 Expert ultracrepidarian |
04-08-2022, 09:38 PM | #92 |
Captain
3856
Rep 1,003
Posts |
After a good time at the whorehouse, the leper said, “keep the tip”
|
Appreciate
2
Esteban53215.00 aguywalksintoabar1690.50 |
04-09-2022, 01:19 AM | #93 | ||||
Captain
2277
Rep 600
Posts |
Quote:
Quote:
I have always wondered what they taste like, Any idea? |
||||
Appreciate
0
|
04-09-2022, 03:31 AM | #94 |
General
68130
Rep 21,965
Posts |
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage. |
Appreciate
2
Dpc2u11486.00 BMWGUYinCO4323.00 |
04-09-2022, 01:19 PM | #95 |
General
68130
Rep 21,965
Posts |
Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory. |
Appreciate
5
|
04-09-2022, 03:41 PM | #96 |
Major
11486
Rep 1,065
Posts |
We just got a fax. At work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.
I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.
__________________
E46, E60 M5, E93 M3, F15 X5
IG - @thebimmerhaus |
Appreciate
3
|
04-10-2022, 04:44 PM | #98 |
Banned
1691
Rep 83
Posts |
|
Appreciate
5
|
04-10-2022, 05:41 PM | #100 |
Colonel
10710
Rep 2,011
Posts |
Mr. Barker's wardrobe provided by
Flipper & Dicker (TM)
__________________
2014 BMW M235i
2024 Mercedes Benz GLC300 Expert ultracrepidarian |
04-10-2022, 05:52 PM | #101 |
Major General
14588
Rep 5,508
Posts |
I was in the local last night when the landlady suddenly shouted, “Does anyone know CPR?”
I replied, “I know the whole effing alphabet.” Everyone laughed, well, apart from one guy. |
Appreciate
5
|
04-10-2022, 05:55 PM | #102 |
Major General
14588
Rep 5,508
Posts |
Polish patient at the optometrist:
"Can you read the bottom line?" "Read it? I know him!" |
Appreciate
4
|
04-10-2022, 08:01 PM | #103 |
Colonel
10710
Rep 2,011
Posts |
Pirate Eye Chart
.
__________________
2014 BMW M235i
2024 Mercedes Benz GLC300 Expert ultracrepidarian |
Appreciate
3
|
04-10-2022, 08:31 PM | #104 |
Colonel
10710
Rep 2,011
Posts |
Shit Happens
Well, I can't post the shit happens list because it gets into religion. So, you'll just have to look it up.
__________________
2014 BMW M235i
2024 Mercedes Benz GLC300 Expert ultracrepidarian |
Appreciate
2
aguywalksintoabar1690.50 Maynard4177.00 |
04-10-2022, 09:07 PM | #105 |
Private
60
Rep 63
Posts |
What do you call four Mexicans in a boat with a hole in it?
Quatro Cinco |
Appreciate
8
|
04-11-2022, 12:32 AM | #106 |
Banned
1691
Rep 83
Posts |
Confucius could be: "If shit happen today, shit will still happen tomorrow."
|
04-11-2022, 12:36 AM | #107 |
Banned
1691
Rep 83
Posts |
|
04-11-2022, 07:23 AM | #108 |
Lieutenant
876
Rep 433
Posts |
I've been using "Mucho" with my Spanish speaking friends, it means a lot to them!
|
Appreciate
10
KRS_SN14587.50 Dpc2u11486.00 aguywalksintoabar1690.50 cmyx6go16749.00 Dino GT35068.00 M5Rick68130.00 UncleWede18400.50 Samurai of 2day2309.50 ggunn9160.00 Kilabyte3965.00 |
Post Reply |
Bookmarks |
|
|