Instructions of how to be a good meat bomb...aka skydiving student!
1) Call Hans! Tell him he has a nice accent and you know me. Give him $15 in pennies as your deposit.
2) Show up on >>>April 20th <<<. Hans and will have a short buss for you to take you from NJ to Skys the Limit in PA (
http://www.skysthelimit.net/)
3) At STL you will be given a short class on being a proper meat bomb!
4) You will wear ill fitting umpalumpa outfit that will make you look like an escaped mental patient! It's ok.....it's slimming!
5) You will be attached to a handsome man with soft hands...you will be his little spoon...see just like being in prison!
6) The aircraft will fly up to 14k ft. We may fly higher depending on how much the pilot likes you. Odds are he won't so we will only be going up to 14k ft.
7) The door will open, a bunch of meat bombs...all of which 95% will be guys....wearing bright colors...holding hands will casually leave the aircraft as if it's just another great day in the sun! Think of it as a gay pride parade in the sky!
8) You and your "buddy" will walk to the door.....reach back and hold him tight ok! Not like those 4 titanium bolts won't work or anything!
9) Leave aircraft attached to your bunk buddy screaming "YOOOOLOOOOOOOOO BITCHES!"
10) Free fall for 1min....14k ft to 5kft.
11) Save your own life by pulling open the parachute....if you forget your bunk buddy will save your sorry ass for you...see told you he loved you and cared about you! Remember that....you may want to tip him or hug him or maybe give him your real phone number...it's ok his wife won't mind!
12) Land...not hard
13) Run around like a wild flaming banana high fiving strangers and screaming "I am a god!"
14) Get on the short buss for your ride back to the Rockaway Mall.
15) Go to local bar and brag about how awesome you are....
16) Drunk dial your tandem guy and tell him you love him and want to make him breakfast in bed.
questions?